Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Why must it always seem for two steps up one step is taken back? I have known this guy since Feb. and we do practically everything together but things have gotten really confusing for me. There are times when I can tell he has feelings for me but then there are times I'm like what a jerk. He tells me wants to still see me but see other people as well and that if I don't want to be romantically involved he'd understand, well I just told him I was leaving being intimate to him but that I am no longer trying to plan things like that. Well after our little talk I decided to play his game, my intention was to make him regret taking a step back and change his mind, part of me thinks its working but then its like well is going to do it because I am? He tells me things like that maybe in a year we'll think about settling down, and when guys show interest he gets the jealous look on his face and becomes possessive. Just this past weekend alone I saw the jealousy in him as I have recently since he brought up that conversation. on our softball team this guy ended up playing and I was being friendly talking to him and trying to get the team to talk to him, well (T is what we will call the guy im seeing or whatever)T usually pitches and friday he did not, and was just settled between me and this one guy listening to the conversation joining in and its not the first time but whatever. T is not a fan of PDA's so I made this great play and he literally runs from the outfield picks me up and hugs me and I'm like whoa what? After the game the team went out to the bar for a few drinks and this guy on our team pulls up a chair next to me and T pulls up a chair on the other side knowing there were other seats available, the guy from the team asked if I was up for going out the next night and I thought why sure and T was like yeah we'll be there. As I am walking towards my car T calls me over and said for me to give him a call in the morning and kisses me (and we are always making out or giving each other kisses when we say hi or bye so that didn't surprise me. The following night he calls me and I begin getting ready to go out and he tells me to get a girl friend for our friend, or to grab a bunch of my friends and he asks me well girls or guys friends, not that I wouldn't mind having guy friends around but I don't think he (the friend) would like that. Well all my friends went to this concert so I call him back up and tell him and he gets this attitude well if you cant get a girl for him he's leaving me so I tell him leave me, next thing I know he was at my door. It happened to be just the three of us we went to this bar and he would not leave my side only to go to the restroom and that was even quick, after staying out all night we decide time to head home, he asked me if i wanted to go back to his place i was yeah i didn't want him driving back alone, so our friend tells me that on saturday him and i should go out and since T will be out of town I was like yeah, well T answers for me that no and that I won't be at the game either I'm like what....Well we get back to his place, watched a movie cuddling on the couch and we both fell asleep. We woke up and went to his room, and all night we slept with him embracing me and up against me, which is normally how we sleep any way. We woke up in the morning, got things a little heated and went to get some breakfast and a movie from blockbuster, after we ate we flopped back on the couch and once again fell asleep cuddling on the couch, towards the late afternoon we lounged by his pool and my phone rang he wanted to know who it was, told him a friend and then he was like so what do you got planned for the rest of the day I was like well might check out a movie, the flags went up and he was like no you're not, with who? And that is what confuses me, like my roommate was telling me why is he sticking around all the time if he just wants to be friends, especially since we aren't having sex, we mess around yes but sex no and that's honestly cause he hasn't tried. We have had sex before but after our talk nope! So what do you think this means, its like I feel us connected and I think when he feels too close he pulls away and when he thinks there might be someone else he comes back again. We talk every day, see each other three or four times a week not including weekends, he'll hold me, kiss me, tell me things and then the next minute he throws being friends at me again, what should I do? Advice
You have to do what feels right to you.

Tell him the truth, don't play games with him even if you think he is playing games. Have honest conversations and try to get to the core of the problem.

If he wants to be friends then be his friend and not so close as you have been. That is what he wants after all. Cut back on the cuddling and kissing. He is trying to have it both ways and that isn't right.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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