I first saw this person five years ago in college

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
How do I stop thinking about a person I like who I last saw four years ago?

Background:

I first saw this person five years ago in college but I did not have instant feelings for her even though I thought she was cute. As matter of fact I did not always notice her when she was or was not in class.

But it started about a month and a half later. Our class went to an exhibit on campus, and as we were waiting to enter the exhibit I was just glancing around. When I glanced at her and caught her eyes she gave me a very pretty smile and I smiled back. I wondered why she would smile at me even though we had never spoken to each other at all. As I walked through the exhibit and looked at the items on display I noticed she would look at the same items while I was looking at them. Earlier I had found out she was from another country and one of the items that she (and I) had been looking at was a newspaper from her country. I figured she was just looking at the newspaper because she had interest in it.

So I thought about it for a couple days thinking if she liked me but later dismissed at as no big deal.

About two weeks later while in class, the professor asked for someone to answer a question, and as I looked around to see who would answer I caught her eye again and again she smiled at me and again I smiled back. She made it real easy to smile back.

So it got me wondering again if it was something more than just a friendly smile. As I pondered days later I had remembered that one day, as we were waiting outside the classroom before an exam, she was sitting on a bench and as I passed by she asked me if I knew the answer to one of the questions. I do not know if she asked me specifically or if she randomly asked any person who happened to be me. I also remembered that earlier in the semester a female classmate had sat in the seat next to me in one of the last rows in the back. I do not quite remember if it was her since at that time I really had not noticed her much.

So as the semester went along I started to notice her more, looked at her more, and viewed how she interacted with the friends she sat around with, all to figure out how she felt about me. I saw and reflected on how she was always laughing, smiling, how she talked to everyone she met in class, and how she would not be shy to ask a question in class if she would not understand the subject matter. All throughout the semester we just exchanged a few words here and there and that was it.

As the semester came to an end I was regretting not having talked to her. The last day of class I was in the library studying and she showed up to study with her friends. She looked at me studying and waved and later walked up to me with a smile on her face to ask me if I knew the answer to a test question we were having. I gave her the answer and she went back to her table with her friends. After that last day of class I really regretted not talking to her or getting to know her and that thought terribly agitated me. But as the winter break passed, while I was out of town, I thought about her less and accepted it as a missed opportunity.

When classes resumed I once again started thinking of her and hoping that just maybe she might be in one of my classes. In class after class she did not share with me I just thought to myself “oh well” and just moved on to concentrate on my studies. But on the last class that I had yet to go to I walked in to see her again. While I walked to a seat we exchanged smiles and waves. I couldn’t believe I had a class with her again. The next day in that class, we had to change classrooms and as we picked out our seats she sat down next to me. Those previous thoughts had resumed.

All throughout the second semester I, once again, searched for signs of any sentiments towards me. Any little detail of interaction with me I noted such as her sitting next to me in class, dropping her pencil and asking me to pick it up for her, asking me to borrow paper, or asking to look at my homework to see how I did.

At first, I did not want to have any emotional feelings towards her, but as the semester went along I just admired the way she was. She was always smiling and laughing and always said what was on her mind. The little conversations we had in class and a few conversations we had before class allowed me to understand a bit about her. At that point we were not just classmates but friends. From then on my feelings towards her just grew and I knew that. I was always looking forward to attending that class even though that class subject was not my favorite. I would be happy when she was there and miss her when she wasn’t.

After accepting my feelings towards her I wondered of ways that I could ask her out for ice cream, lunch, or any place where we could have a nice conversation. One such time, we were paired up in class to go over each other’s homework but I did not think that would be such a convenient time to have such private conversations during a moment when the classroom was a bit quiet that the professor might have heard any conversation. Another time, our class had to go to a museum to do some research for an assignment. I figured that during the visit I would converse with her and afterward I would take her out to lunch. As it turns out she had already eaten and spent most of the visit, apart from her assignment, chatting with another one of her friends and left together to go back to school. One day during class she was taking video of her class to send back home. She even took a picture to have all of her classmates in it, with me being next to her. Throughout the day I was thinking about it and then I thought how I should have offered to take video or a picture of her next to the fountain on campus. Not only that, I could of asked her to do the same at some landmarks around town. This opportunity, along with all the previous ones, had just been wasted as the second semester was coming to an end.

Then a few days before the end of the semester she mentioned that she was going to go back to her home country. I briefly felt a bit of relief in a way, knowing that if I had gotten too attached to her I would have been heart broken anyway. But then moments later she said she was going to come back after her visit back home.

The moment came when we took the finals in what would be the last time we shared a class. Later on, while I studied in the library, I saw her leaving the library with her friends and I thought that was the last time I would see her. I was very distraught of being such a fool for not taking advantage of the countless chances I could of gotten to know her more. Maybe I should have stayed a bit longer after class until she left instead of going straight to my next class or maybe I should have talked to her a bit more in class. My mind got too distracted that I almost failed the test that I had studied for.

While I pondered whether or not she liked me I concluded that she did not have any feelings for me. The first few times she smiled at me she was just being friendly like she was with everyone else she met. In class when she sat down next to me she did so because I was just a familiar face. Not only that, her seat was also next to another one of her friends. Those instances when she dropped her pencil and borrowed paper were for legitimate reasons. In class she would talk on more occasions to her other friends than she would with me, and another time she left me speaking, as we walked out of the classroom, when she met one of her friends. Unlike other girls who actually did like me, she never hinted her feelings or made herself available, so to speak, for me to take her out. At the end, it did not matter what her true sentiments towards me were because it was I who liked her and it was up to me to get her to know me and maybe like me.

Throughout the summer I thought about her almost every day. At work I would always look at the entrance hoping that she would walk through the door but with no avail. Even as I returned to class for the following semester, I did not have a single class with her nor did I see her around campus. I had just accepted that I would never see her again.

One day at work, I was just looking out the entrance window when I spotted a person that looked just like her. As she came through the door she looked towards me. I couldn’t believe it was her just as if I had been expecting her. She walked up to me and we started chatting about how each other’s summer was. That felt like a very special moment for me.

After that encounter I felt a bit more at ease but I still thought about her and looked for her at school.

I then saw her again in the library doing some schoolwork. I stopped by to talk with her and she asked me to feel her forehead because she had a bit of the flu. We spoke until she finished her work then we continued our conversation as we left for the parking lot. The trip to the parking lot was cut a bit short, though, because she had forgotten something and she had to go back. It was good to see her again. But later on I regretted, again, not taken advantage of the moment I had with her to ask her out.

The next time we met was, once again, in the library while I studied. She acknowledged me with a smile and wave and came up to me for a short conversation. My eyes then followed her as she went out the door. It was indeed the last glimpse I would get of her.

I did not truly regret that last moment with her because I had to concentrate on my studies. Although, if the timing was right, I would have asked her out to a company Christmas party. It would have been the perfect excuse to ask her out.

Afterward I continued to work but took some time off from school. I still continued to think about her hoping to see her again either at work or any place I would go. It was only wishful thinking. About a year to year and a half, thought, I felt I was putting her behind me and out of my mind and it stayed that way for a while. Then I slowly started thinking about her again. I had the chance of getting to know other girls but felt reluctant due to the feelings I already had.

As I pondered about her I decided to see if I could find her on Classmates.com. After searching that website with no result, I looked her up online to see if, maybe, I would at least find a picture of her online. I did find a picture of her with her foreign exchange group she had told me about. Among some of those pictures I saw was her with a male exchange student from another country, apart from hers. I had remembered when she described herself in class she mentioned she went to see a friend from that country. Now I knew who it was. I had to convince myself that she had a relationship with him.

In another search I had found out she had already graduated, with honors, and believed that she had already moved on, maybe literally, to another city. One of the reasons I begin to like her was because she was smart. she was always making A’s. I stopped looking for her online because I felt as if I was spying on her. Even if I did see her I do not believe she would want to be in a relationship with me, other than friendship, either because she may have started a “new” life or most likely she is already in a relationship with someone else.

Now I truly have to accept the reality that she is out of my life and that I will never see her again. My logic accepts it but my emotions do not want to let go of the possibility to see her once again. I would like to know if its an out of the ordinary infatuation or these are sincere emotions.

Possible conclusions why I feel this way:

1. I regret not getting to know her.
2. I only like the mental image I have of her.
3. I have not given myself the chance with someone else.

(Sorry for the length but I had to get some thoughts out of my mind.)

---

RomanceClass.com Advice
You first saw her five years ago.

You had many chances to increase your friendship/relationship with her but you did not.

My conclusion is that you did not really like or love her enough to do the things necessary to further a relationship.

My advice is to chalk it up to history and begin looking for a new girl and this time make it real!

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

---

Follow @RomanceClass

Tweet

Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - General Dating

- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.