I don't feel I can call her with a decision like this in one day - I feel like I need at least a week

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
This is a long question, I'm sorry. I met my girlfriend and now fiance at work - we began dating on August 2, 2002 - we were fairly happy and went through a LOT together. She was with me when my mother nearly died and I was with her through the loss of her father. We became engaged on July 18, 2004 - her Father died August 17, 2004. Right after her father died and for the first year I understood she wanted to spend more time with her mother. We spent most of our time together sitting in her living room with her mother as a third wheel - we have had only one dinner alone together in the past 14 months - other than that like clockwork we are there for dinner (when we are together, we typically only see one another one day a week now) - if she isn't home for dinner every night her mother gets upset and she doesn't want to upset her mother. Shortly after booking the hall in February of 2005 we had a major fight. I told her I didn't like her tone of voice with me and she said DEAL WITH IT (I grew up verbally abused by my father and I do not raise my voice and call people names and I don't want that to happen to me either). In the summer I went to the movies rather than helping her and her mother with painting one of the days during my vacation - I didn't tell her about it because I knew she would flip out (bad sin that I thought that, I guess). She found out (I went with my brother) and she FREAKED. We had a fight. Just now - as in yesterday - she was pissed that I haven't sent out more resumes. I teach in a private school and work two part time tutoring jobs. She works in a public school now, and makes more than me - I interviewed over the summer did not get a job. She is pissed that I am working UNDER what I DESERVE. I sent out 10 resumes over the course of the past 10 days and she said that if I don't show I want to get married then it isn't too late to break it off. We haven't spoken all day today - she sent me a text message telling me she is serious about this. I told her I am thinking about it. Now about a month ago we were talking and in passing (we were talking about someone who broke up) she said if we ever broke up she doesn't know if she would ever be able to get over it. NOW - I am seriously considering cutting ties now before we are married and end in divorce - one problem is we still owe money for the hall which is non-refundable - (the wedding is/was (depending on what I decide) scheduled for July 2, 2006. She wants me to call her as soon as I decide if I am serious about doing things the way she told me they should be done or if I want to break up (I feel like she kind of broke up by giving me the ultimatum (sp?)). I don't feel I can call her with a decision like this in one day - I feel like I need at least a week if not longer HELP!!!!!

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RomanceClass.com Advice
You are in a bad situation.

The mother problem is a big one, then the verbal abuse is another, and finally the pressure to get a better job.

Tell her you need at least a week and she doesn't like it then she needs to deal with it (give her a dose of her own medicine).

My suggestion is to think real hard about a lifetime of dealing with her mother, the possibility that your fiancee will become verbally abusive, and the potential that she will be critical of your career choices.

This sounds like a divorce in the making to me.

My advice is to cut your losses and cut her loose.

Good luck! George



-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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