Taking a Break

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I admited to my gf that i made a few mistakes. I was pushy and rushed. I took her hand and started running off with the relationship with out looking if she keep pace. I also admited that i was selfish sometimes revolving the relationship aroud me and not around us and that sometimes i never let her speak.

I admited to her and said i was sorry and wanted a her to give a second chance so that we could make the wrong right. But she just slaped a no in my face. I asked her again why and she says that she just cant and that it dosent matter if it is now or later me and her can never happen. I asked her what was wrong and she said everything was wrong and that the problems lies on her end.

After that i wanted to talk to her again but then i realised that i have lost all my confidence and believe to even talk to her. I m hurt..badly effected because i love this gal alot. I've always told her that no matter wat her problems were i would stand by her side and support her.

I m devastated..i feel i've done nothing wrong and my mistakes are naive mistakes coz i'm not used to relationships. I dint cheat on her or lied to her. I was faithfull and commited and was working very hard to make the relationship work.

I've decided to go away from her alive. Not to call her, or mail or chat with her at all. Just go away for at least 3 months.

She has got 4 projects due at the end of april and exams in may. And at the end of may she is flying off to canada for one month until late june or early jully. I've decided to keep away from her life all this time.

What i plan to do is to approach her again after 3 months and tell her that i dissapeared not because i hated her but did it out of love and care. I dont want to distract her at this crucial time. And then tell her again that i truely loved her alot. I know my love for her is true and i m sincere and honesy. No time can change my love for her. IF i regain my confidence only then will i approach her.

I m really effected by this. Today has been the 5th day i've dissapeared from her life. Its a living hell for me coz i m attached to her. Very attached to her.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I wouldn't just disappear from her life without explaining why. That can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. If you do feel that taking a complete break is necessary, then let her know that you'll let her get through this busy time and give you both a chance to work on becoming stronger individuals. It sounds like she might appreciate that and be open to that.

I think one of your mistakes is that you are pushing her now to decide what to do in the future. She's stating now that a relationship "can never happen". But believe me, *nobody* knows right now what will happen in 3 or 6 months. People who are perfectly happy right now will be broken up by then. People who are at each other's throats right now will find a way through and be completely happy then. So to throw away all hope just because she's feeling stressed out right now would be unwise. Accept that she feels that way now, for whatever reason. The way she can feel once things settle down can be VERY different.

So be a friend to her. If she needs some space, give her that space. When you get back in touch with her, do it as a friend, not as a person on a timeline to a certain objective. Just talk with her, be there for her, be a support. The closer you get to each other, the more natural it will seem to be together. But if you leap in and say "in 3 months from now we must be XXXX", that's when people tend to balk.

Spend the 3 months getting to be a happy, content person on your own. That is what others are drawn to - a person who has found peace with himself or herself.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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