I am always coming up with new screen names trying to catch him

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I want to trust and not be jealous over dumb things but its hard. Here it goes, I was in an abusive marriage for 17 years, he cheated, physically and emotionaly abused me. and then there were relationships that were the same. Well I met this fantastic man on the internet, and he to was in a marriage for 24 years and she did the cheating. He then met a lady and they were living together when we met, we chatted online and seen each other a few times over the next few months. She didnt know about me but I knew about her and understood the situation ( she was going on personals looking for other men) Anyways, he moved my children and I in with him and he is the first man that has shown me respect and honesty. I truley love him but my problem is my insecuritys and jealousy. I am afraid hes online meeting other women, like he met me. One day I was in his office and his messenger was open, I seen a name on there and didnt think anything of it, well then there was a phone message with her name and phone number and her online name, when I asked he said that it was a customer. well this was 3 months ago, and recently I found out that he lied to me, he came clean but now I am really worried if there are others. I am always comming up with new screen names trying to catch him, looking in personals to see if hes there. And I am driving myself crazy. He apologized for what happened and said it was after a fight we had and I was going to leave, but he wants me to be with him and loves me, but I cant get it out of my head that he is online and going to meet someone and tell me to leave. How do I stop this so we can be happy and make it work?
Thanks B

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RomanceClass.com Advice
You have a lot of old baggage you need to get rid of.

Since you were mistreated before you naturally are worried it will happen again. What you need to do is realize that anything is possible but we only need to worry about things that are likely to happen.

By snooping on him and trying to catch him up, you are putting yourself through an emotional wringer. It should be easy enough for you to stop doing those things. This will reduce the "jealous highs" that energize you.

Have some deep caring and trusting conversations with him and try to come to an agreement that will make you happy. I'm sure he wants you to be happy so he should readily agree. If this doesn't work out, you might want to try to find a professional counselor to help you out.

Hope this works out for you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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