I am trying so hard to give her time and space

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok, I have to give the back ground story first. I'll try to make it short and easy as I possibly can. OK. We met one night by fluke, I was chasing a friend around our dorm building and my ex's room-mate came into the hall asking what we were doing, and I ran into the room saying "we're having a party, want to join" and I looked over and saw my ex on her bed doing some homework, she looked up and smiled her beautiful smile of hers and I just had to talk with her. Well I ran back to my room and IMed her room-mate if my ex had a boyfriend or anything like that, and soon after my ex IMed me and we started talking. A few days later, my ex comes into my room and we have a study session becuase ironically we were in the same class and never really knew it. That night I felt a connection, we laid on the floor studying notes, cracking jokes and even kissed a little (not passionately, just pecks and such) with no lights on except for the TV. Within a week of us first meeting, we take our first date and we go to a movie. There we hold hands, kiss a little more passionately, and then I wind up staying in her room, spending the night and we had sex... but not BEFORE I asked her out and we started dating. Things were good no real problems, except that I knew that she sitll had a close relationship with her ex before me, and she later admitted that she still loved him but they broke up because of trust issues. I didn't really liked the fact that they talked as much as they did or hung out as much as they did, but I did tell her that I could do nothing about it, and was willing to work and deal with it as long as I knew I could trust her.

2 weeks into the relationship she was diagnosed with being bipolar. I went with her to the doctors and talked with her about it as much as I could so she could vent and everything. Basically I was trying to support her through this tough time. Within that same week, rumours started going around that she was sleeping around, which couldn't hae been true becuase we had been sleeping in the same bed every night for 2 weeks. Then she found out her room-mate had backstabbed her by writing negative comments about her on the internet. This came right before Thanksgiving vacation, so my ex took off and went home a few days early to get away from everything at college. During our vacation, the days leading up to Thanksgiving we agreed that I would fly up to her house and spend the remaining 3-4 days with her at her home, meeting her friends and parents for the first time. Now I was worried about doing this becuase we hadn't even been dating a full month yet, but I eventually flew up there and we had a great time. Her parents liked me, I met her long-time best friend and we hit it off great, everything was fine. On the ride back to college after break, we had a brief arguement about her aforementioned ex, but we both decided that things were cool and we'd get over it. We got back to the college, and she did not feel like staying in her room because of her room-mate so we slept together, and then the following day I helped her move out into her new room. Everything was fine, I mean we woke up together that day, laid in bed in the afternoon until she had permission to move out, and then got everything into her new room. We both had seperate errands to run so we kissed each other and said we'd see each other later, and she thanked me so much for helping her through this time.

Later that night, she gets back from her errands and suddenly everything is changed. She suddenly doesn't want me to speak with her or see her, and within 24 hours we broke up because I was concerned about her. She had become snappy, really irritable and basically pissed off and I was worried, so I did become a little pushy in an effort to be there for her. She broke it off with me claiming that I was too pushy and wouldn't give her the space and time that she had been asking for, which was understandable. I found out later, that her ex-boyfriend was there in her room that night and wound up spending the night in her room, the same night we broke up.

A week after breaking up she IMed me and we talked for the first time in like a week, and she eventually invited me over to her room. There we had a good time, it was almost like old times, and then we slowly got into the conversation about our situation. She said in terms of her ex, that they had talked about getting back together but there were some indecisions going on and she wasn't sure with what she was feeling. She said she still cared for me but she still needed time and space.

I am trying so hard to give her time and space, but we don't talk all that much. She used to call all of the time and send me IMs, or be in each others arms. The relationship was only a month but we did a lot together and spent nearly every day together as well. I mean we laid in bed and watched TV, cuddled, slept together, went to the movies to dinner and she even wanted me to go Maryland to visit her family when I live in North Carolina. I am at a lost here. I don't know if she still cares for me, or if she wants to be with her ex, or if the whole relationship was a fluke and that she just needed someone to be with on campus becaus she was lonely. I know things started out quickly and ended quickly but what developed for me in the relationship couldn't have been felt just by me. I know she still cares, some of the things she told me during the course of the relationship couldn't just be gone completely. I don't know what to do. I mean last night she sent me a text saying "sorry for the attitude just I had some bad news given to me... and its been really rough". Could you give your advise? Could it be that she really doesn't want to be with me and wants to be with her ex. Could it be just her bipolar disorder and her medicines or could it be something different. Sorry to make this so long, but in order to better understand you need all the info. Thanks for reading and responding. Take care.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You are in a tough spot.

She may be acting the way she is because of the bad news, because of her medical condition, because of her meds, or because of her mixed feelings about you and her ex.

The best thing to do is to keep in touch with her to see how she is doing and to let her know you care. Meanwhile, wait for her mood to change back to you. You may find yourself on this merry-go-round quite a bit. So you ought to consider whether that's the way you want to spend your life.

On the other hand, maybe if the meds start working better she will change.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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