She moved away, she drifted away

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have been dating this girl for two yrs. about three months ago she moved away, out of state, due to her dads job thing. So now we are basically talking through the interntet or our cells. i was talking to one of her new friends the today and she told me that she was cheating on me with another guy that she just met last night.

I really really love her so much but i still want to keep her. She means alot to me. What should i do. Should i confront her about it either and break up, or try and repair this or break up like just leave. If so what should i say to her. My heart has been broken in the past and i dont want this to happen again.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Long distance relationships are always difficult. It's something that any couple that has to be apart deals with. They only work with a serious amount of effort and with concerted focus to be together when possible. That is a lot of work and energy for most teenagers, especially with people dating all around them and proms and dances and other things going on.

I would definitely talk to her about it - if you've dated for two years hopefully you are good at talking to each other about things that bother you, and finding solutions, and explaining how you feel. So ask her how she feels about this all. She must be feeling stressed by the move, wanting to fit in, unsure of her new "friends" and all of that. Maybe she gave in on a whim. Maybe she still cares a lot for you. The only way you will know is to talk to her.

Broken hearts are tough, but part of dating while you're a teenager is going through the highs and lows of relationships. Very, very few people meet one person at age 13 and then marry them and live with them forever. Instead, you date a series of people, break up with them, learn what works, what doesn't work, and all of this helps make you an even better person as you get older. Yes, it's always painful when one ends. But if it isn't working, it's better to end it and move on to a new relationship rather than stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. That's one of the lessons you learn. The more you "practice" the better you get at communicating, at sharing, at being honest, at being a "great boyfriend". So that way when you DO find someone great for you, in a situation where it works for both of you, you know it. It isn't your "first ever relationship" where you don't know how to manage a relationship. You've had training and practice.

So yes, it's sad that after 2 years she went and did this and didn't tell you. A long relationship should be about honesty, and trust, and telling each other when you're upset or nervous or other things. She should be telling you these things - and you should be talking to her about them. So talk. Ask her honestly how she feels and what she's worried about. Maybe it's just that she wants a real life guy there with her, and while she would love for it to be you, it can't be. So maybe for now she dates other guys, and you date other girls, and you are still best friends.

Most teenagers break up when they go on to college, and find new people. On the other hand, some teenagers hook up in college with people they knew from before. So don't think of this as a "tragic ending" if that is how it goes. Think of the great times you had for the 2 years and the many, many things you learned about relationships. Stay friends with her. You never know, you two may end up in college together and find that the time you spent apart now helped you become even better people. Or you may meet someone new that is perfect for you and realize that as wonderful as this girl is, she was a way to help you "learn about life" to prepare you for your real soulmate in life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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