Regarding PDM's first post on this thread, I know that I much prefer discussion or debate, with politeness and respect shown, even within the disagreement. But, as soon as one negative thing is said, I tend to revert to times in my life when sarcasm and anger take over. I don't like the personality I display at that time.
Yet the pouting and sulking are not the answer for me, either.
I am beginning to see that there is a medium ground.
When I was a boy, I tried to hide emotions. And I think that I still do. I think I fear that the emotion will be used against me. So I hide both the happiness and the sadness and the anger.
But, as I grow, and my relationship with Marge grows, I'm finding that as I learn to talk about the emotions, and allow myself to openly feel the emotions, they stay more moderate in intensity. For me that's better than a tendency to passive/agressive behavior.
Sure, I get angry or hurt, or take things personally, but I am able to forgive others - and myself - and usually hold no grudge.
As I've said before, though, I'm not very good at turning the other cheek.
Back to PDM's post above, the comments about one partner wanting to argue and the other wanting to sulk reminds me of the "comfort distance" that people have. Europeans generally have a shorter comfort distance than Americans, so in a cocktail party, the American would probably be stepping back as the European stepped forward.
That also applies in relationships. Some people are brought up in families where touching and displays of affection are common. And some are not. And when one partners across this mindset, real problems can ensue.
That is a good reason for couples to get to know each other before they marry. And personality profile tests can help identify problem areas. Differences are not necessarily insurmountable, but it is better that they be forseen.
