Hi Carl ~ just an aside, really ...
I don't think that you could generally include the English in the 'short comfort zone' group.
OK I know this is veering more off topic but I had to laugh because as soon as I read the thing about Europeans, my first thought was about my visits in the UK, where I think people are even a foot or two more distant than the Americans. So I had to scratch my head for a second about what Carl meant (I must be so used to conversing with the Brits on the forum that I thought of the UK first) ...
But when I was in college I spent a semester in Italy, and there I know EXACTLY what Carl meant .. I used to go nuts with how close people would get to me... especially at the ATM machines (the cash machines). I swear people would stand right on top of you while you were entering your password into the machine..would drive me nuts. And then if it was raining out, they would stand so close to you that their umbrellas would be poking yours .. and don't even get me started about the lack of order when pouring onto a public bus... I just had this flood of memories I had to get out here in print. ...
Anyways - as for arguing.. I'd like to think that I have evolved a bit, although I do have lapses. I can have a temper, and the best thing I have done is to recognize that I have a temper. I have a little switch that once it gets turned on, I can really lose my composure. I have tried very hard to recognize that switch - I can't stop it from getting turned on, but I can try to keep my mouth shut once it has been activated. I try to just not say anything at all until I can cool down, at which point I can regain composure and not say damaging things.
I particularly have to be careful with my children - whom I love like crazy but they can do some things to really get me angry at times. One thing I have tried hard to do when I feel like yelling at them is to stop and say to myself, Do they deserved to be yelled at? or do I just feel like yelling because I am mad and frustrated. I am not perfect at this but at least I am aware of it, so I am trying. For instance, when my son spills his full glass of strawberry milk all over our living room - I yelled at him just because I was so mad that it happened ... but he really didn't deserve to be yelled at. So I had to talk with him afterwards and tell him I was wrong and sorry because we all spill things. However, I can't tell you how many times he and his sister have spilled things and sometimes it is just carelessness, ... so now whenever anybody spills something, my son just says, "Its OK, remember, everybody spills things sometimes." So I'm still incredibly frustrated, but at least I now have a good natured son who will probably be a better parent than I!
