I have a very long and complicated story and I guess Im looking for an outsiders point of view. I posted about this previously http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=238020#Post238020
Here is the situation. In the early hours of Xmas eve, my husband was arrested on 3 counts of domestic violence. He was very drunk and ended up hitting me and fighting with my mom and best friend. See the above listed link. It was very scary and all three of us had marks. When he was arrested I thought he would be out in 4 or 5 hours because thats what the cops said. Instead, he is still in jail on 50,000 bail, which means 5000 to get him out. Because this is a domestic violence case, my state continues with it even if I or any other person withdraws the charges. They also automatically implemented a no contact order, which means I haven't talked to him since the 24th.
We have a 10 mo. old daughter together and have been married less than a year. This is the fourth but most severe case of physical violence. Also, I am convinced that I have beenthrough emotional abuse as well. He is controlling, hurtful, and very very jealous. I essentially was not allowed to do anything, I had to be invisible to avoid angering him. But there were also times when he was loving and fun, when he was funny. He isnt a bad person, but an alcohol with problems. He is a good dad. As much as I hate it, I still love him.
The problem is I am soooo confused. At first I tried not to think about him. Then there were a couple of days where all I did was cry. I finally got so frustrated with myself that I went out and looked for a job (he worked 2 jobs so I could stay in college and be with our child). I went out with my friend the next night, determined to forget about my husband. I had by then decided that it was over, that our marriage was unsavable. I met a guy that night who was really nice to me--the exact opposite of my husband in every way. I started to really like him, even though I told himeverything that happened and that I didn't want a serious relationship. We ended up sleeeping together the other day. I though that being with another man would make me forget my husband and help me move on. But it didn't. The whole time I was with this guy, all I could do was compare him to my husband. It made me miss him. Now I am feeling soooo guilty. I have never been unfaithful in any relationship everrrrr!
Im not sure whether I can still be with my husband, but I want to give him a chance. I cant forgive myself for cheating on him, no matter what he did to me. Cheating just showed me how much I really loved him. I want this to work so bad. I pray that he will change, even though I dont have much hope in that prayer.
I know that this is a very long and complicated post, and I apologise. But Im just trying to get an outsiders perspective on this. Is there hope for us? Was I horrible to react by trying to get over him and pretending I was? Thanks for your help guys!