And Here I thought I was Naive
It all started July 2nd of 2008. Amazingly enough I had broken off of a relationship in person around 2 years prior to this and had not even considered dating anyone again. It ended with her cheating on me and I was disgusted with myself and believed I never deserved to be happy again. While playing an online game (Guild Wars for those who are curious), I decided that I would for one last time, log in and tell everyone that I was quitting the game for good, i was going to delete my characters (and my 3000 hours) of work and put it all behind me. As I logged in, I remember the Map i was on, where i was standing and all that when I noticed in chat someone had asked an honest question about a skill change. I decided, it couldn't hurt so I explained to this individual what the change was and the way to go about making the changes to make the skill useful (unimportant but w/e XD). After that, this same individual asked if I would join her on a mission quick to test it out and help if i could. I decided what the hell, and joined her. We went through it and sat on the last map and talked for a good 3-4 hours. Just getting to know eachother and learning who the other was. I had learned to this point that she had a boyfriend at the time but this really didnt discourage me, as i was not looking for anything in particular, except maybe a good friend. So we decided to continue talking and just staying amazing friends. We talked a lot and as the days past, my feelings began to grow and develop. I fell inlove with someone who was with someone else... It was the most wonderful but the most depressing thing, to want someone so bad but know theres no chance. After about 2 months of talking with her, I met her BF for the first time, they got into an arguement over something (i never really learned) and this was the first time since i met her, that she had even mentioned him. As I learned more and more about this, and saw how he was handeling this, I became extremely disgusted with him. He said things that were unforgivable and he degraded her and belittled her to to point she emotionally shut out the world. Even after that, I refused to give up on her, I continued to talk to her, again and again. I did not know if it was disgust of him, or if i envied him, so i only chose to support her and I did not talk bad about him at all. I desperetly hoped that she would leave him or atleast relize how he was treating her was so low and he acted as if she owed him her love. But, as most people know, you cant tell someone they arent in a good situation, so I showed her, over time. I enjoyed my time with her, showed her what its like to be cared for and be happy, even knowing, I had no chance and no possibility of ever being with her. It was amazing hearing her over the computer,when she laughed, my world was made better, when she talked with me, everything made sense. We talked for another good 6 months or so with little problems (only one MINOR fight, and it was seriously super minor), and then I ended up going into a comatose state. I ended up in the ER, out cold for 16 hours or so. I woke up and it hit me, what had happened, I wanted to let her know, i wasn't ignoreing her, that i would be back as soon as possible. A buddy of mine broke the news and then discovered, that I had a huge crush on this girl (well he knew long ago but now he had means of contacting her). I used my phone to sign onto MSN and she logged in as well, we continued to talk that way for another good 4 hours (i snuck my phone in, no doctor was going to tell me otherwise). I learned, that she had infact broken up with him, she didn't explain why right away except by saying, we had problems. Little did i know, my buddy was at home bugging her ON msn, about how i felt, and was asking her thing. He told me to ask her how she felt about me. All this time, i had thought there was no chance, and even now that she was single, i still felt i had no chance. I wanted despertely so bad to be able to be with her, even being long distance, weirder things have worked, and id be willing to be committed but... I couldnt tell her that. I would have rather been her friend and live with these feelings then risk everything. Little by little, this friend continued to bug me and pester me, going, TELL HER DAMNIT!. So.. after 30 minutes of being bugged and what not, She asked me, what i felt about her... I locked up.. but i couldnt lie. I was going to tell her everything lay it all on the line, thinking, im going to fuck this up, lose her forever and everything is going to go downhill. The day, Feburary 5th, it was 1:29 am, and as I was writing how i felt, she announced "I love you"... from there, we told the other, how we felt, and at 1:31am, i asked her out ^^. I know, it hasnt been THAT long in dating standards but it goes to show you, anything is possible. It is now March 1st and yes i know, not even a month, but she is the most amazing person...
We plan on meeting July of '10. This would mean 2 years of knowing eachother, and then we move forward from there. She is my world and I wouldnt want it any other way. I guess the goal of this whole thing, is never give up hope, sometimes just being yourself is enough.
Even though, she lives on the other side of the world, things couldnt be any closer and I only am looking forward to the future. (INSIDE JOKE I LOVE CATS! and no domination stick for you!) Kery, this one is for you
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