Wait Until you Talk
I was with a guy for a year and a half. 10 months of that being in a long distance relationship. We were both so in love, so I thought. Even when he was 2 1/2 hours away, we still couldn't get enough of each other. We barely fought, it was like a fairy tale for a very long time.
On Christmas day, he proposed to me. I was so shocked, but I knew deep down he was the one I was going to marry, and I still think that. He ended up moving to Texas, which made our relationship struggle so much. He was so depressed where he was, and I couldn't do anything for him. We started arguing a lot more, and then he told me that he felt like when he would say "I love you" that it was just something he felt like he had to say, instead of wanting to say it, and that it was over.
I broke down. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and you can forget that I wasn't texting him over and over. The next day, we ended up getting back together, but from that point on things were always different. I couldn't trust him.
I ended up flying to Texas to see him and stayed an entire week. It was so much fun, and from then I knew we were fine.
On May 28th, he sent me a facebook message (real classy, right?) saying he needed a break. Turns out he was talking to a new girl, and didn't believe in cheating. She was 21, a cop, had a car, and her own house. Me, I don't have any of that.
I was so heartbroken, and became that crazy ex girlfriend, literally. I texted him all the time, knowing he wouldn't text me back. I spied on his facebook and eventually hacked into it. I got on there for a few minutes before I realize what I had actually done. I panicked and ended up telling him about it, and it did not end well. We got into a huge argument, and at the end of it he told me that he actually wanted me back, but I screwed it up. BAD.
The advice I have for you is if you have just been dumped or were the dumper, do not contact your ex. If you were with someone as long as I was, and if you talked to them as much I did when we were together, then I know how hard it is to not know what they are doing, or how they are. SO many things run through your head, "who is he with?" "What is he doing?" "Is he ok?" I made the mistake of texting him all the time. Just pointless things, like once I asked him late at night if he still used the same shampoo because I loved the smell of it. Silence truly is deadly, but it's deadly for both sides. My ex not contacting me KILLED me. I would literally cry myself to sleep over it because I hadn't heard his voice.
I know I still love him. My feelings are still there, and going strong. I've tried to move on, and I try to talk bad about him, but no matter what I say or do, I still feel him here. I still think about how happy I was when I was with him, and what I would do to have it all back. I still look at pictures and remember what we did when it was taken.
If I could go back and change things, I would. Me being the crazy ex girlfriend was stupid, but at the time I couldn't help myself. My heart literally ached, and my body felt like it was just floating, not really all there.
If you really want your Ex back ... don't talk to him. Wait at least 2 weeks before talking to him, it will bug the mess out of him. Luckily, my ex still lives far away, so I don't have to worry about the awkward run ins at walmart, or at the mall. But, if you do, never let him see you hurt. Smile, be happy.
One thing I've learned is that feelings don't just go away. I'm sure my ex still has them there too, but doesn't even realize it. Good luck to you, and I pray that you will have the strength to not contact your ex.
Peace & Love
-K
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