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Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass - x why do i still love him? he was my first, is he my last? i knew him when i was a little girl, he was always hyper and total jerk..he went to another school, but when i got to highschool, he was there adn everyone said he was different, i suppose he was, he was more mature and cared about peoples feelings, he was still hyper and annoying and he wasn't a jerk, not to me. all my friends saw him differently, none of them approved at all and i didn't see why. he was really special to me and i wanted them to accept, so i started dating him and i didn't tell them. i had so few friends and when they found out, i could never keep secrets, they shunned me. because i was so upset i would tell him all the things they said about the two of us adn i think i really hurt him, but during the time when i was so upset he wouldn't move on to a more physical relationship without asking me, he wouldn't hold my hand, he wouldn't hold me, he wouldn't kiss me. so i held his hand and i kissed him...it was my first kiss, i told him it was ok...i think i was lying. socially he was better than i was after all i always made the honor roll, he just knew all the right people so when i wanted to hang out i was shy and he wanted to be nice to me and know my friends, but they didn't like him,they thought he would hurt me, they were right, but after we had been dating, we had a very open relationship,i let him have things i didn't want to give him. i let him dominate and control me...and i liked it. i told him how i felt about everything and the thing that bothered me the most is that he never wanted to be spontaneous, he would pick me up and carry me around the school without warnig me and sneak up behind me and wrap his arms around me, but he would never do something that he hadn't talked to me about on the phone the night before; he wouldn't go places with me during lunch without having it planned,he ouln't kiss me without asking if he was doing it right, he didnt know anything. we went to homecoming, it was lame and no fun. we broke up we got back together two weeks later because i couldn't stand not feeling his lips on mine...i don't knkow why i felt this way maybe it was the way he held all the doors open and how he always asked if i trusted him or if he could trust me i learned how to hate him for it i fell in love with him..it was indeniable, maybe it was lust but then i did stupid things. the pitiful thing is that i still want him.... maybe i'm not explaing this very well adn some of it is back wards so here he said he liked me i said i liked him to told him i wanted to go to homecoming four days till homecoming tell my friends, they disapprove severely tell him he can hold my hand, he can touch me..since we have to dance he says os many sweet things...he jokes a lot about me, how i'm "his girl", i think he was joking he made me so upset not doing anything when he kept mentioning things far above himself stupid little inuendos when he hadn't even held my hand at every occasion, i had to get close to him and put his arm around my waste, i finally gave up and kissed him..it wasn't very innnocent like i thought it would be.. i ws just going to kiss him a littl eso he would want to try himself, but when i touched his lips...it was totall my fault, but we french kissed for at least twenty minutes, and that was my first after homecoming i broke up with him i figured that since he owuld never be active in our relationship that i had gotten my date out of the dance and that i ddin't need him anymore, i was wrong. i still wanted him adn he was confused when we brok eup he thought we were fine together. then a few weeks later he said he wouldn't mess up again adn this time i got to much of what i asked for he never asked my permission for anything he just assumed that all i wanted was his body and that i didn't care about his feelings or my feelings and when i asked him to slow down all he did was wait a day or so before he wanted to make out again...every lunch period five days a week the whole period, calling me everynight at eleven adn talking for four or five hours without even hearing what i said or that i wanted to talk about something else, and when i told him i wanted to sleep because i was so tired, he begged me not to go, that he never sleep without me. i stayed on the phine adn i met him everyday, my friends got really worried, they were right their was this boy who i played with when i wasabout seven, before i ever knew my boyfirend,he had ausburgers and he could rember anything; where thigs were the exact thing people said, all of it and when he asked if i would go to prom with him, just as friend i said yes, how could anyone ever think were seriously dating but my boyfriend said i was betraying himand i didn't understand i asked again and again for him to explain adn all he said was that if i didn't know then i didn't know him at all i didn't go to prom with my friend but the dya before, my boyfriedn broke up with me i was so sad, but the way we were whenever we fought wtih eachother we never showed how we felt we always said horrible thigs and then with a perfectly straight face walked away i never even cried so when we broke up, he said, "you betrayed me, you can't expect me to let some other guy take you somewhere, and still love you" i asked if he was breaking up with me he said yes, i said ok and that i would talk to later, i turned around and walked away to my class at the last day of school we were all alone, we were the only people who bothered to show up..and he said even though i had betrayed him that he loved everything aobut me and that there was a grou rafting trip in a couple weeks that we should go on together..i was really skeptical but i agreed and signed up, when we went we wre in seperate rafts and when we got back to the outdoor center we ended up having lunch with the girl who had been in his raft, they were interested in all the same things, computers rafting runningi din't even nderstand what they were talking about since it was really just a trial dating thing he started taling to one of my friends, he knew that she was depressed and she wasn't even pretty that is all he cared about with me she thought i was her best friend and i realljust saw her as an ok friend so he dated her, he even called me for advice, but beofre their first date they broke up because he had made a joke about me, it was actualy harmless and were completely talking again, i couldn't stop thinking about how i still wanted him to make the world go away, but now i see that all he did was open the door and let reality in... he broke up with her a second tme to and she even came to me crying about he just went after girls with low self esteem..i thimnk she was right..he wanted to dominate anyone that was yesterday and i still love him first i have to call him and ask why he hurt my friend, then i have to tell him how much he still hurts me i know that my typing and my grammar are horrible, but my strong suit is definetly poetry and math, not essays and papers Slime-O-Meter  5.00 out of 5 slimes Add your vote! 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