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I really liked her but the anger in me took over like usual

I was 18 at the time. My life was going nowhere. i was running around the streets and i started beating people up for money. It all started when i grew up in harlem. I use to live in harlem on 119th street. My life there made me who i am today. I started boxing at the age of 13. My grandfather and grandmother were the ones who raised me. I love them very much, and my granfather past away in 2000 and it was the worst feeling i could have ever felt in my life. I know he is with me still to this day.
People were frightened of me cause i had the worst anger problems. I would take it to a whole other level. All the girls i dated hated it and i didnt like who i was becoming.
One night i was driving around with my friends and we come across this guy who owes me money. He owed me a little more than 2 grand. My friedns wanted me to get out of the car and bash his brains in but i said lets hold it n for awhile im hungry. We went to the mcdonalds drive threw. I got myself a cheesburger. That was the best burger ive had cause it was free. I ate my burger and i get out of the car. I walk around and think of all the sh*t that happened to me and maes me mad. I put that all in my head and the rage and anger just came out of me. I jump in his car and i tell him to fly to that guy that owes me money.
I get out of the car with a bat run over to him and start bashng his head in. The blood was going all over the place and i can here the pain cooming out of his head. All he had to do was pay me back my money. But no he made it come to this. I had my friends cheering me on. Two other guys run out of the car and attack me. I knocked them out with the bat. I kept hitting the kid. Every hit made me think. I want him dead or alive. I wouldnt stop.
Until the cops came. They aressted me, but i didnt care cause i have the connection of getting out of jail free card over and over. This wasnt the first time.
I get out of jail and i go home the next night. It was 3rd of july. I was lighting off the fireworks i bought from easton pennsylvania a couple of weeks ago. Then i get this phone call from a girl who wanted me to go to the beach and watch them with her. I didnt want to cause i really didnt know. The next night came along and i met up with this girl in a shopping center. Wheni saw my eyes on her i was shocked. She was gorgues, i wanted to be with her but i dont know if she wanted to be with me. Went to the diner and we hit off. We were talking about everything and everyone who knows me knows i like to clown around and make people laugh. I was so nervous eating with this girl that looks like a rose.
We left the diner and we were driving around she was driving casue i still dont have my car yet waiting to get my insurance in long island. I wanted her to meet my sister we go to a deli and my sister gets out of a merceds benz. I looked and said who is that faget. That id thought he had balls but i would of ruined his face. The girl i was with was shocked,this was the first time we hung out. I really liked her but the anger in me took over like usual. Sometimes it takes over so bad i cant control it. I get out of the car and about 5 people are holding me back saying this kid doesnt know who you are just walk away. Luckily for that kid, tat was a good friend of mine. Next day she comes to my grandmothers house and meets my whole family. I couldnt believe it. They all liked her but thought she wansnt for me. But i didnt care i really liked this girl. After that we went bakc to my house and we were hanging out upstairs. She was laying on my bed and i kissed her. That was the best kiss i have ever had. I loved it. When i held her in my arms i wanted her for myslef and no one else. The week after that we kept talking she came to me and i loved it. We would hang out get some food or something. I didnt care if we didnt kiss or do nothing. I just loved being with her. The week later i met her family, we went to the beach and i was behaving or i was trying to. That day thigns worked out. All i know is i went home like a lobster. I was red as hell. It was okay though i was just happy that im with her. she was different than any other girls. She would kiss me on the cheek and hold my hand. All my other ex's never did any of that. I would be the one. I loved that. I was falling in love with her. She didnt know. I found out a lot about her and she found out a lot about me. I was in some heavy stuff and she had a hard life also. We would try to see each other everyday. And if we didnt we would be on the phone everyday. We would have our fights but we made up cause i was always wrong.
When we started dating each other i thought it waa the greatest thing. I had this beautiful girl on my arm, her family liked me. I always tried to make her laugh but everything i did something was wrong with my head. I would get mad at the stupidest little thing, i guess because i dont want to lose her. I fell in love and i told her when she was in a pool. She smiled and said what. I felt stupid but what can you do. Time went on and a couple of days later its the weekend we both were talking down in her basement and she told me she loved me. At the time i thought she was just saying it. I had no idea. i just looked and smiled and we started messing around. We went to the beach that day and it was great. I always have fun with her. Everytime im with her i was happy. But i had another life. I had the night life. I would always go out and do things that you see or here about in the movies. Let me tell you something most of it is real. You hang out with bad people most of your life and you become one of them. You can change for only that special person. While we were going out i got aressted about 6 times in one month, for drug posesion, assault and batery, attempted murder. But i always got out cause i have the biggest connection. I will never say anything about what i did. I am taking that to my grave. This was one where it hurts me a lot. I wen out one night toi go see my ex girlfriend and i hung out with my freidns. I thought she said it was okay for em to go. I went there, really dont remeber what happened. I remeber barely. Nothing happened and i woke up at my friends house and i called her when ui got to work. She got mad and she started yelling at me cause there was an email from some girl i was friends with. I haev a lot of girls that are friends, that doesnt mean anything. I swear i never cheated on a girl in my life. I am very faithful but she doesnt seem to think so. I was very upset and the anger inside of me built up and i got mad at her. She then says to go fuck myslef i got even madder. i called and called and left messages. She wouldnt pick up. That was a little immature though. She should have talked about it but she didnt want to. She tells me that i left her threatening messages. I dont remeber saying anything like that. I knew i was wrong and i called her and left her messages about how i was wrong and i dont want her doing this to me cause my mom went in for kidney cancer and she was getting surgery done. She is fine now. But she didnt call me back. I then got a new cell number and i called her and told her and shes aid she doesnt want to talk to me. she then starts yelling at me in front of her mom and everyone. I didnt care all i knew is that i loved this girl and i didnt want to lose her. I went to her house to apologize and she got mad at me for even showing up. I didnt get that one but what can you do girls are different. I didnt want to lose this girl.
She called me at night drunk and she was telling me she misses me and loves me and i said the same thing. But i meant it. She was drunk she did mean it but she was drunk its never the same when you are drunk. I couldnt sleep at all at night. I took a few zannys but i was still up. I actually got some sleep. I woke up and called her. We were talking and she told me that her family hats me. I really didnt do anything wrong. She said it was all a build up of everything i did in the past. I told her when she first met me my life is not the same as everyone else o have two lives. She didnt care at the time but now she does. She told me it wont work out anymore. We broke up. I called her and wanted to get my stuff back she them told me to give her my address and she will send them to me. For this girl i quit smoking i stopped my bad things at night and this is how it ends up. I was going to go to college for this girl. I still went for me but i also went for her i wanted to be with her so bad. Everyday i would think about her and how much i missed her and her kisses. I loved it but it was all over. I then said to myself turn my ass around and go back to who i was and everyday i been feuding with myself to go back and do what i did. I talked to her and tried to get answers out of her. She says she misses me but she doesnt tell me she loves me. Now i dont know what to think. I think a lot about it. I tell her but its like its just words t her. I cant do anything. I think i we wont get back together and i should turn around and do what i have to do. I talk to her everyday, she goes out and i go out but there is noone else i wanted but her. But it seems she doesnt want me. I guess its over............ but i never wanted it to be, it was her choice and mine. I just didnt try hard enough i guess.


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