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Never too Old Never too Late

Never too Old Never too Late
Im not exactlely a teenager, and my first experience with true love came as a revelation. I had lost my very best friend of the last thiry years with her fight with cancer..I was devestated beyond words..I felt as if my whole world had crashed in on me. I had very little hope left in me and even less faith...for the first time in my life I was really unraveled..I called it coming to the end of drive for life my adventurouse spirit had blummented to an all time low..I did not think I would ever care about anything else again. I come from a very abusive background and my friend was full of life and upbeat and positive she enjoyed life while I endured it, she always saw the good in every situation while I was always suspeciouse and negative, the last 6 years with her she brought me out of my shell life became an adventure a challenge and I begin to think even with all of lifes ups and downs with her around I could sail through it...and then she died.She was the only person in my life I really trusted ever had trusted!!And then I met M. I felt like I had known him all of my life..a calmness would come over me like a blanket when we would talk..I felt vunerable but safe when he was around..I was grieving and he would listen to me in a quiet reasuring manner. I began to feel strenth come back into my soul.My self was so fragile at that point of my life that even the slightest frivilouse gesture from friends would make me feel insignificant and unbalance. But M had a quiet strenth about him. I felt I could tell him anything and he would not take it lightly blow it off no matter how insignificant it might be to all mattered because it mattered to me.He made me feel significant again ..special..capable and smart.He believed in me and took me serious.As the years went by my feelings of respect and love grew and at times when we where in the same room it would alluminate and I would take that feeling with me,the deepest bond had been iterwoven that I do believe He could read my mind..I knew him and He knew me.The most genuine person I ever met.He had a quiet powerfull presence that has changed my life has changed me. I relize you dont always have to put on a show, be the life of the party even when you feel like hiding and crying, that its ok to feel vunerable weak and uncertain. He helped me find my real self that it was ok to be me the more I become my real self the more I accept myself and others are drawn to that like I was to M.I had come to relize that all my insecurities about life was that I really didnt think that anyone could care about me for just who i was..not what I did or how I acted!!Takes alot out of you to act your way through life and I had just come to the point I could no longer pretend ..I know God brought him into my life to show me this ..I know that now as I write this..2 years ago we were both at a freinds house and when we both were leaving He grabbed me and said I love you...I threw my arms around him and said I love you too!!! It was the last time I ever saw him.


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