Love Stories @ RomanceClass -
we're constantly living in pain stress and hurt

I met him on our first day at community college. He would stare at me and i'd smile and blush. But after two weeks i moved away to stay with my aunt for two months becuase of natural disasters. My friend would call me and say that he was always asking about me and wondering when i was coming back. I was so happy.
When I moved back home I went to class and i was so nervous and excited to see him again. He walked into the classroom but didn't see me. Untill he turn around in his chair and blushed really hard when he saw me. I just smiled. After another couple of weeks i asked him for a ride into town to my mothers office. We were talking and i told him that i thought he was so cute and that i liked him a lot. He was shy but he told me he liked me alot too. He asked for my number and he called me later that night.
We would talk on the phone all the time and then he asked if he could come over. I said yes and then we would always hang out at my house. We would chill with my parents sometimes too. He didn't come in my room becuase he was too nervous at first so we just stayed outside or in the living room.
After a month he asked me out and i said yes. Our first date out was at a restaurant for dinner. It was his birthday and i got him a bracelet and a card. He was surprised and he liked it alot.
We began to argue like all couples do. We argued a lot. Most of it was over small silly things. We would make up afterwards and then everything would be okay again. Sometimes we would brake up for a couple of hours or days and then get back together. We'd say things we didn't mean and that hurt each other but we would always make up afterwards.
Three months into the relationship we made love for the first time. He took my virginity. And i never regretted giving it to him and i still dont.
I started working at a book store afterwards and two guys started to like me. They would always flirt with me and tell me sweet stuff. They seemed sincere but i loved my boyfriend too much. I told them this but only one of them started to back off. The other one kept pursuing. He would bribe me and tell me to meet himplaces. I said no but he said that if i didn't he would tell my boyfriend that i was cheating. And even though i wasn't i thought that my boyfriend would believe him so i went.
At first this guy kissed me and i pushed him off. Then he tried to touch me and told me to relax. I was very scared and begged him to stop so he did. Instead we talked. We would always talk after work and he never tried anything again.
But my boyfriend didn't know i was hanging out with this other guy. This other guy asked me if i would have sex with him and i said no. I have a boyfriend. He then asked me if i thought my boyfriend was cheating on me. and i told him not to put things in my head. He laughed and said that one day i will see.
A couple of weeks later when my boyfriend and i were going out for almost eight months i found out that he was cheating on me and when i asked him he told me that it was true. I wasnted to break up with him but i wanted to be with him too becuase i loved him so much. he was my first true love and i was scared of letting that go.
but he kept seeing this other girl and he said that he wouldn't decide which 1 he was going to be with. none of us wanted to break up with him becuase we both loved him so much. But eventually he chose me and we kept going out. I was still scared that he was seeing this girl so i didn't trust him at all. But after a while i told myself that he was being true to me now and that he wasn't seeing her. After more months past the girl told me that they had had sex again. She told me everything and it made me sick. When i asked him about it he got upset and said it wasn't true. That she was making the whole thing up but i didn't believe him.
Then he found out that i would talk to other guys. They were just friends but he was still extremely jealous and told me not to see or talk to any of them or he would leave me. So i brushed me friends off for him.
He still thinks i talk to them so he doesn't trust me.
I thought that he still liked this other girl and was still doing stuff with her so a cheated on him with the other guy that liked me. I felt desperate for someone to show how much they cared. He wasn't doing that so i went to someone else. PLus we always argue. He found out that this happened and when we make love now he says that its different. He seems to hate me. Doesn't know whether to stay with me or leave. I think the only reason he's still with me is becasue i begged him to stay over and over again.
Everything is different with us now. Something that seemed so great and perfect and real at the start now seems like a nightmare. It will never be the same no matter how much we want it to. We resent each other for what we both did. We don't trust each other. We're trying to work things out now but we both have strong doubts that it's useless. We both know that but still we stay together. Its hard to let go. Neither of us wants to let the other go. We couldn't stand to see eachother move on with someone else. We wanted to get married and have kids, a family, be happy together forever. Now it's ruined because of both of us. I don't know what to do. Should we stay or should we leave? Everyday is a stress for both of us. Always worring what the other is doing or if we're hanging out with other people. We love each other so much but we're constantly living in pain stress and hurt. I'm afraid. I think letting go of each other is the right hing to do. But it's so hard and i feel like i can't do it. Like i would die with out him, die if i saw him with someone else. But i have to do it. I think i'm going to do it soon. Before it's too late.
After everything we've been through, i now know from experience, two wrongs don't make a right (or a happy ending).

I remember i told him i would die for him. *tears falling*

theres nothing left to say but ...goodbye


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