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before we knew it, we were kissing

I didnt mean to kiss jamie. i didn't. its just the pain of losing you was so, so bad. you know how often i told you i couldn't live without you. and im still not sure that i can. i can't stand the thought that you are gone forever.
so that's why i ended up kissing him. i know he is ~ was ~ your best friend, and i was your girlfriend ~ but you have to know that this pain of not having you here any more is killing both of us, eating us up from the inside. and it just happened that we were both there, at the same time, at the same moment, both of us hurting so bad from your death ~ we needed something so badly to stop the pain... and before we knew it, we were kissing.
i know it's not possible, but i feel like i cheated on you. and i want to apologise. you know i'll always love you.


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