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This is the end of your not so fairy tale love story

Not Your Usual Love:

I was 15; he was 29. We had known each for about three years. He worked for my dad as a pilot and later as an estimator. We were always close friends, but never anything more. It started off like any usual friendship: talking often, joking around, always picking on each other, and all the normal things. Well he "babysat" me and my brother one night and things began to become a little different. We watched a movie and he layed on me the whole time. Nothing big but thats how it began. Not long after that we started having long MSN conversations that sometimes got a little, what you would call, personal. The subjects we began talking about were almost completely sexual; all of course at the time were jokes. These jokes, along with both of our competitive natures, led us into what would be the start of it all. One evening, a very late phone conversation somehow got turned into a dare/you would not type deal. Basically it went: Me-"You would not come out here and pick me up" and Him-"Well, if I did, you wouldnt come out there". And needless to say we both were wrong. He showed up; I went out. That evening I just sat in his lap on the tailgate of his truck talking like any other day; but he kept trying to kiss me. I told him, "You know you can't do that." He knew so, but both of us wanted to. A few hours later he dropped me off at my house, and as I was getting out of his truck he grabbed me, kissed me, and said I love you. This being my first kiss, although not to his knowledge, I couldn't sleep well that night. Things just spiraled from that moment on. Two weeks later, we were back together late at night. This time there was more than just that quick peck. We were in his truck practically in a full on make-out, neither of us seemed to mind though. Things just got worse after that. It seemed like every other week I ended up in the back of his truck hooking up with him. As things grew, we ended up going to the plane hanger and making out in the backseats of the plane! Talk about awkward when we flew with my parents. For awhile, we both decided how wrong it was and I was really getting upset over the fact that he still was dating his actual girlfriend. He didn't realize how much I was being hurt by him or the fact that I couldn't seem to understand how he could tell me repeatedly that he loved me and still be dating her. Nothing physical happened between us for nearly 4 months and about 2 weeks before my 15th birthday he randomly decided to want me again . So, of course, me being completely enamored by him, we were in the bed of his truck again within hours. This time I let him go farther than just the making out and feeling up from before. I didn't have sex with him for two reasons though. The first being that I wanted to wait till I was atleast 15 to lose my virginity and the second was that I didnt't think I could do it without having an emotional breakdown because of the girlfriend that he still had not broken up with. After that night, he once again gave me a speech on how wrong it was and kept telling me it wasnt going to happen again (which it hasn't for 3 months now but who really knows). The thing is, he still constantly flirts with me and finds anyway possible to touch me. I'm still so much in love with him that it hurts everytime he touches me or I hear about his girlfriend and him waking up with her or I even hear his name. I think he does love me, but the 15 year difference between us is making it impossible for him to express that physically. He doesn't want to be considered a pedophile even though to him I am no different than any other person in the world. He didn't see me as just some kid because I wasn't to him.

This is the end of your not so fairy tale love story where boy gets girl/girl gets boy, because neither of us got what we truly wanted: each other. We are still good friends, but I desperately want to have that phsyical aspect of our relationship back. I still love him and think that I always will. We didn't ever fight, argue, anything. Whenever we were together we were laughing and having a great time. I can tell that man anything and everything. The three previous facts are something I don't think I will be able to find in any other person in the world. I believe every person has a soulmate and that I've found mine, but it's not that simple. Can you even begine to fathom the pain and heartbreak these series of events has brought upon me? Or how it would feel to find what you and your lover believe to be your soulmate and not be able to pursue the relationship because of unacceptance from society? Untill recently, I didn't even know that deep of a pain and confusion was possible in this world.


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