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I'm cursed with chronic stupidity

My story is a tad long, but nevertheless, I'll write it.

It all started in 6th grade. For the first time, I saw him on a school field trip, and I actually thought he wasn't that attractive. He had his hair dyed and he was hanging out with one of the school district's most well known trouble makers. I wasn't interested in guys like him at that time, but my friend was, and she thought he was hot.

That trip was for a week, and when we got back, I was ecstatic and did not even remember the punk kid I'd seen at the trip. (I know, I know, punks don't exist in the 6th grade)

The rest of the year passed by, and I tried my best to talk to the the crush I had at the time. Then summer hit, and I didn't see him for awhile. Naturally, I began to lose interest in him, and focused on my friends and doing my own thing. Then 7th grade rolled around and we all went back to school. I saw my friends and I also saw the boy I'd seen on the field trip; he was going to our school now. Of course, my friend who liked him was excited and kept telling me "Oh my god he's here, oh my god he goes to our school!"
(They had been in the same school since third grade, so I wasn't sure why it came as such a surprise.)

I took one look and thought, Wow, the only thing that changed about him in my mind is the fact that his hair is a different color! And that was that.
My friend went on talking about him and pointing him out to me for another month or so, when something changed. I spotted him walking around school, and I actually thought he looked pretty attractive. I honestly don't know, and I still don't know what happened.

I told my friend, who had actually started liking another boy, that the boy she used to like was hot. I'm sure she thought I was crazy. I mean, after the trip and now here at school, I had straight up dissed him while talking to her and repeatedly said he was unattractive when she pointed him out to me, and now here I was, telling her that he wasn't actually that bad-looking.

Sometimes I wish I had never seen him in the first place.

So I got curious about him, then curiousity turned into interest, and interest turned into a crush. I began to notice him at school more and steal glances at him while he wasn't looking. Evidently, he must've realized this, because he began catching my glances and looking at me while I wasn't looking at him. Now, at that time, the thing to do during recess was to play tetherball. On a couple different occasions, I was with friends and he came up with his own friends and asked if he could play. Both times, I got tongue-tied. When I'm tongue-tied, I tend to suddenly go blank and lose my emotional functions. So I come out talking like a robot. D:
On both occasions, we ended up walking away.

I had a few more encounters with that boy over the school year, including running into him on accident during P.E. and becoming even more tongue-tied when he happened to get into my art class and the only open seat was next to me. But there were even more times where we'd stare at each other. Or I happened to catch him staring at me, or vice versa.

Probably one of the most prominent of those events were the school dances. Since it was a rather small school, most or all of the students attended the school dances (which happened only three or four times a year). These were extremely fun, because we got a DJ and it was in our gym. You got to see what your classmates were like outside of school. And most of the time you got to see them dance.

I regularly attended all of these. (They usually lasted about two hours)

I can remember seeing him breakdance and also he probably saw me dance. He pretty much watched me while I danced, and I watched him while he danced. But we never talked and we never danced together. It's a shame. During the end-of-the-dance, there was more of the staring, and I also ended up falling because me and my friends were playing this random game, he saw up my skirt.

Summer followed 7th grade and I only saw him once at the movie theater, where we proceeded to make eye contact for a few seconds, and then I rushed past him nervously, with the friend I was with.

8th grade was probably the year during all of this that stood out the most. We tried to talk to each other, but both of us were shy. If I talked to him, he'd mumble. If he talked to me, I'd blush and get really shy. He often sat at our picnic table during lunch, and sat as close as he could to me. Sometimes he'd even stare at me while sitting right next to me. And of course, I stared back, but I couldn't get myself to smile (i'd lose my emotional functions D:)
He was still as attractive as ever.

I think, through all of this, the talking happened during 8th grade. He also had his hair in a mohawk, and I had dyed my hair about five times. Once, we had both dyed our hair red at the same time. The beginning of the year started off with our usual pool party at a nice pool somewhere I can't remember. He watched me swim and run around in my bikini. I watched him sit at his picnic table sullenly, and think of a way to talk to him.
Much of what happened in 7th grade happened in 8th. Except, we both had partners that year. I went out with a couple guys, he went out with a couple girls. Over the 8th grade field trip to a hotel in a city by the bay, we tried to talk to each other. Once he even followed me down a stairwell and said something in my ear that I can't quite remember. I'm cursed with chronic stupidity, so he was probably saying something important to this matter, but I was probably to nervous to hear. I tried my best to talk to him. D:
But as I said, when I'm nervous, I really can't speak that to someone I like that much. And I'm not a shy person! It's only when I try to talk to him.

8th grade passed, then high school started, and we went to different schools. Then I began to attend his highschool for the art classes, and we ended up doing the very same thing that we did in middle school. Now it's 10th grade and I'm beginning to not get so nervous anymore, but I still like him a lot. I recently asked his friend if he's single, so hopefully he is, and I can talk to him.

Sorry that this is so long, and if you read it til the end, I thank you.


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