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Now I know heart-break

I have to write this story or I will pull my hair out!

There she was, a tall skinny brunnette with a beautiful smile, the girl I had a crush on in high school. We were friends, not close nor distant, just friends. I had not seen her for several years after high school, my career kept me away, then all of a sudden she was in front of me again. She sat beside me and we started to catch up, finally exchanging phone numbers and calling it a night.

I invited her on a camping trip and she agreed to go. We flirted and explored the intial "do I like you that way" feelings over the weekend. We went on our first date on Monday. I had to leave on business again. When I came back we dated several more times and developed our casual relationship into something more, or at least that was my impression.

Over the months we talked about everything from kids to weddings, clean and naughty, good and bad. I sent her flowers 3 times. Tulips, Sunflowers and finally Roses. I was definatly in love with this girl. However I never felt like she was in love with me.

I started to become suspicious of our relationship when she started to neglect me. She started to take less interest in our relationship. Eventually she blew off a date we had planned to spend time with her sister-in-law, a person that she sees every week.

I was heart-broken.

Im the type of person that wears the heart on the sleeve. I go into every relationship with both feet, I give it everything I have because thats the only way I know how to be. My friends will all say that Im a great guy, the perfect catch and someday I will find the right one. I thought I had.

We had a fight the night she blew me off. She was treating me poorly and playing games with my feelings. The next day she explained that she had her heart broken in a previous relationship, that she wasn't ready to take any chances, that she didnt love herself. She told me that I was a great guy and requested that we remain friends.

That was yesterday. I respected the request, agreed that it hurts but I will try my best. I know that I still love her even though she grew cold and un-caring. There is a ridiculous hope in the back of my mind that she will come back to me in time. Ive never fallen for a girl the way I did with her. I truely know what its like to love someone, she was everything to me, the thing I cared most about and now its all gone.

Im a rational person, I know that time heals hurt, that I will get over her someday and perhaps, with a little luck I will find the right girl.

Now I know heart-break, its the most unpleasant feeling in the emotional spectrum. But I will do it all over again, heart-break will not close me up, there will be no walls, because its the only way I know how to do it.

Nice guys do finish last. Its true, but what they dont tell you is that when the nice guy finally finds what hes looking for its the thing that everyone else looks up to with envy. Strong relationships that no test can break.

Until then I will be hurting inside, showing strength on the outside.


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