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Why is it so hard seeing someone leave who at some point in your life has meant the whole world to you? That, special someone was your sole source of inspiration, that you’re willing to do everything for that person, assuring them of their happiness, a smile across their face. Why is it still not enough, when you’ve already given everything you’ve got?

Under the Full Moon
by: zoe ann

You might be thinking that this is yet another hopelessly romantic article that just whines about unrequited love and the like. But no, urge you to read on. Maybe, you might be getting something out of it.

You see, he just got out from a very bad break-up for quite long years. And in relationship terms, years could be pretty long time, and not every couple can survive that long. What really hurt is that the whole time, they thought that everything was going smoothly, that they were happy being in each others arms and arguments they had was just a way of making them stronger, but not knowing everything just surpass.

It was December of 2006 as I drove myself home after my work with my blue colored motor bike. As I brought my friends home… Humps ahead! So I slowed down… “ZOE!” A scream from behind, I totally stopped my motor bike. Who might that be? Oh! I see, it was a friend from an old school, I can’t believe he called my name I don’t know why? But all he did was to check me out. How am I doing.

Maybe it is destiny that dictated my path and his path to come across, how wonderful this kismet was, I took a gaze at him figure and adored it for the last time for all I know that will be the first and the last night to see him. It might be destiny too had intruded between us, an unexplainable relationship as what I use to say all the time… “Is this Edward that I know?” this questions I always asked to myself. I was not supposed to fall in love with you. But I don’t know. Your eyes were to powerful that they even penetrate the deepest part of my heart. I already knew that falling in love with him would be radically crazy.
I was not able to sleep well that night and I can’t imagine how he is on that very moment standing and talking to me, as if we knew each other for a very long time. So I decided to spend some time star gazing. I enjoyed making lines out of the stars when suddenly it formed the colours of his face. I think I finally found the reason for my existence. This realization tranquilized my way to sleep.

He was a remarkable basketball varsity player in our school but I couldn’t understand the point why he was to be blessed with such darn good looks? See, he has already got all this sharp-witted credentials but why does he has to be cute at the same time? Guys like him makes college life terribly exciting and ouch!, ouch! for the girls. He was simply irresistible distraction that makes my college years life tougher than tough.

There he goes again doing that panty-dropping feat… smiling with his cute eyes that catches girl’s attention from far… my thoughts and hormones were going haywire.I couldn’t think straight because I was really pissed off… worse, because I’m naturally clumsy. We were only a couple of rows away. We were actually smiling at each other while our eyes were locked for something like forever. Duh! I’m so pathetic! I don’t think he knows my name aside from my friends. I have my own world. I’m just nobody, a pathetic plain face in the crowd. I waited for the nubbin shadows of dawn to surpass and witness the announcement of my victory that somehow I could talk to him in private but I became a coward more than ever. I felt his love collete, yes I did, and I still do, and I was more afraid. I am afraid that things might go wrong and I do not want that to happen. OH POOR LITTLE THING!! HOW COULD I BE SOO STUPID!!!!

Spinning on my body’s axis and peeking at the moonlight sky looming overhead with two arms spreading wide-opened while the whole world was witnessing my insanity. I yelled, “WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?” I tried so hard to extract anything substantial from the turbulent thoughts racing inside my head. He just left without a word and for a long time he was devastated. No one knew where he’s gone not even one. Days passed but there was nothing that says where or how he is doing anyway. On my scratch paper, I started scribbling the only word that may at least a little sense to me at that moment – “WHERE ARE YOU?” I wrote the word repeatedly in bold form, almost filling-up the entire yellow paper. I cared not about the redundancy.

Well, I actually don’t know WHY? but when I got back on my feet, firmly standing. “Yeah you’re absolutely right… I LOVE HIM! He kinda knows ‘bout it… think he feels the same way too. But I wanna settle this insanity once and for all… by telling I LOVE HIM! That was just one rotting episode from the school year’s Calvary . Now I could say I’m a mother of one,well thanks to the butterfly kisses, in somehow I knew him and thank you too for the hump, were I totally slowed down and stopped and met him that very night.

I know this is overstatement, but it’s like I spend my college years just sleepwalking around. The ME I used to be in college and the ME right now is completely different persons. I don’t know. Some things just happened and it was too late when I realized that something was dead wrong… yeah right, I know you would say… You love me too.

There were chanting lines… every time I see your smile, I can’t help but smile too inside… I don’t know why I see your smile every night.

I am now fulfilled; I know he was thankful too for the gift I gave him, now he attained that absolute freedom of soul with peace of mind. And I know big boss is proud of me for being my beloved. Amidst the cold I came out of the burning house bare footed and I was soaked in the rain after spending time in the inferno. Now I can say I’m totally complete, because he gave me the reason to be complete and happy again. This words I usually say; “I wish you were the one whom I got married with” and that would be impossible, maybe with God’s eyes we were.

Loving is a hard thing for me to do because I was not loved by somebody. I never felt what is to love, how to love and be loved. I can’t show kindness, care and compassion for others for I was too selfish, but when I met him everything seems to be possible for I know he is here, here with me, here with my heart.

I was nobody before, but now I could say I am SOMEBODY in my own little way because he made me feel like one. I just put aside those dilemmas and let myself be carried away – by him, by my feelings. My consciousness brought me to his arms. And then, there were those happy moments we had shared, full of laughter and cheers. Those colorful days, short talks on phone,the optimism and certainties. There were those nights of endless pleasure, full of passion. Indeed it was like a dream, a fantasy in wonderland! Everything! When finally he told me that he's leaving in two weeks and that makes me sad but in any way I tried to understand. That was one of his dreams. Whenever I remember him, I can’t help but cry. Days passed but I’m still hoping that he might come back.

I dreamed of, seeing him brought back by the rain. Tears start to fall and silent shouts will be cried by me. And now a ring suddenly caught my attention that he's leaving for good. Now that was love I felt from the very first time I met him. How I’d wish I could throw away my cries. I can’t forget him, I really can’t. How could I when I’m still in love with him after all the sadness. I was hoping that I could see him before he left but, it was too late. It really depressed me. he’ll always be in my heart no matter what.
I wanted to cry but the crying that I made a couple of times before had somehow drained all the tears in my eyes and so with all those grief, the cry dwelled solely inside my heart, never again be seen, but only felt by him who knew the hurt he had inflicted unintentionally, a hurt made to someone who loves him more than my life.

He is more than anything in this world. I have longed been wanting to tell him that I love him but I got afraid of the possible answers that he might give me- words totally failed me. I do not want to loose him but I didn’t do anything to keep him.

Yes, I ‘m happy that once under the full moon, I felt true love. That once under the full moon, I felt how it is to be in love, and to be loved. Now, under the light of any other full moons, I will live again… move on and fall in love again even were miles from each other, I just want him to know that I LOVE YOU, I REALLY DO LOVE YOU and ILL ALWAYS WILL.


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