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Felt like a fire

What is the point of ĎLoveí? I am writing in Comic Sans MS to emphasise the pathetic nature of the word almost to the point of comedy. I do not understand how people find ĎLoveí. I mean the proper forever kind of love. I do not believe that there is someone out there for all of us, Ďthe oneí. Itís a lie made up by people like Hallmark to sell cards or Hollywood to sell films or Mills and Boon and all the other types of romance novels. They play on our insecurities and our false, pathetic hope that we wonít die alone, that someone out there, somewhere has to love us some day? Well itís bollocks for want of a better word! Seriously people, think about it, who is genuinely going to love someone no matter what happens? When they see you naked and you canít hide your Ďwobblyí bits forever. When they see you when youíre really ill, snotty and disgusting. When they accept you, temper and all. Ok, I understand that people can put up with this for a while, years even, but when they are bored of you or they are old they will toss you aside for the next best thing.

People are always looking for better, their head is forever thinking about bettering their world, and if they stop then they become slobs, who canít be bothered anymore. Iím not saying this is a necessarily bad thing but why should we waste weeks, months, years, a lifetime caring and loving someone if all they are going to do to you in the end is trade you in for a better model Ė or someone they think is a better model.

Itís all fantasy, people think that because someone is slimmer, or taller, or shorter, or curvier or has a nicer smile they arenít going to have the flaws that their current or past partners have had. They think that because the first few meetings go well that they are going to be the love of their life, or at least easier on the eyes until the new next best thing comes along. They want perfection and happiness and Love too.

Ok so maybe I was a bit hasty when I declared that Love didnít exist. Maybe it does exist, maybe it can exist. But why is it always the case that when someone actually does come along and you think that you Love them does it always fuck up?

And I donít mean love like you may have thought you experienced. For example, the first time I was in love it was like a flower. It started slowly, respect and trust grew and unfurled into beautiful petals, a result of hard work, sewing the seeds of together, regularly providing security and comfortableness. But like a flower this type of love must inevitably die. There were no bitter feelings after this type of love died because the memory of it and the time and well meaning that went into it are so beautiful still that you are glad it happened to you, even though you know that it is not the ever-lasting kind.

The second type of love that I have felt was like a fire. It seemed to erupt suddenly out of no where. It was dangerous yet exciting, it was scary yet passionate. It was amazing. But the problem with this type of love is that it is practically impossible to keep going. This type of love, like a fire, regularly needs fuel, it needs to be constantly renewed. And if this doesnít happen then there is no way that it will last. When this love dies, which is generally inevitable, the memory of it shines so brightly still that some times you forget that it is dead. The points to remember with this kind of love that add to the scary yet exciting side of it is that it is far easier to re-kindle (he he, get the pun?!) than the first because embers of this love are often found to burn continually, even though the actual love is dead, the essence can still be easily found. This is generally your first love.

And the Love I have now? Itís the scariest type of Love of all three, it is the real thing, or at least it feels like the real thing. Keeping along the natural theme, this Love is most easily compared to the rocks and the earth. It may not seem pretty or exciting or scary, but it is essential. This Love is the type of Love where you donít just fancy each other, feel safe with each and care a lot about each other; this is the type of Love where you need each other, physically, emotionally and mentally. And this is why it is the scariest type of Love. Itís the one that you know you will get most hurt from in the end. But the best thing about this Love is that the flower love needs the earth to grow, the fire love needs rocks to be contained. With out the solidarity of this Love and the underlying need of each other the other types of love die. Alone they can not dream of working.


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