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I Love Her - She Loves Someone Else

I met the girl I'd always dreamed of -- the perfect combination of the best of all my former loves and ex's. The first time we talked it was too perfect and I was scared to call her... especially because I am overweight and she is a goddess. Months later we became close friends. However, she had a long-distance boyfriend. They always fought on the phone and she never said much good about him.

I fell in love with her deeply and quickly, more than I thought possible. Her boyfriend became jealous of me and they nearly broke up, but they worked things out and became closer. She and I were so like a couple except that we didn't kiss. She said I was her soulmate and if she weren't in love with her boyfriend she might be with me. I finally let her know how I feel by turning her name into a song and she was sweet about it but told me she was serious about her boyfriend. She wants to get married to him, and I want her to be happy. I even like her boyfriend because he is funny and intelligent.

I have to learn to let her go, even though it feels like we are perfect together. I've sat and daydreamed of our life together Ė I imagine our first moonlight kiss in D-flat major, I wrote our wedding vows and composed our wedding music, I imagine our children, our growing old together. I never really wanted children until I imagined raising them with her.

She is still my best friend. We complete each other's sentences, we have musical conversations where we donít need to speak. I am trying hard every day to make the love go away because it's unfair to her and to me if I long for her. I write down her imperfections in a journal to remember sheís not really a goddess, I try to imagine someone half-as-good as her that I could somehow love some day. I'm trying to make myself better and stronger and thinner so that if this ever happens again the woman might fall in love with me both physically and mentally (her boyfriend is excellent physically and is reasonably compatible with her mentally I think, while she and I are an excellent mental match but Iím not attractive at all).

Some days are hard, but I'm trying to fall out of love and enjoy my best friend -- I owe her everything for turning my life around, even if her love for another will separate us. I was gradually falling into despair and didnít expect to meet a woman compatible with me until she came into my life and proved that at least one exists. Iíll never forget the girl who gave me hope that I wonít always be alone. And if I never meet anyone else Iíll be happy to have had such a deep connection with her Ė hearing her voice and looking into her eyes was more meaningful than any mere physical expression of love.


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