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Proud Mr Darcy

When I was 17, a friend from school encouraged me to sign up to a pen-friend website. I was studying English, and was not very good, and so was wishing to find an English speaking friend to help with my studies.

We found one member of the site who was looking to learn my language, Swedish, and was my same age, so she wrote to him on my behalf. He wrote back a very sweet message, and we began talking some more.

He, like I, was very nervous at the start. We were both new to talking to "strangers" on the internet. He seemed a very sweet and gentle man, and we became quite good friend. After a few months, I moved to France to study French, and before we left I told him we probably wouldn't talk a while because I wouldn't have access to the internet while I was away, and he said he understood and that he too would probably lose touch during the year. After arriving in France I discovered I had access to the internet, and at first I didn't receive anything from him.

One day he appeared online and was delighted to talk to me. I spent an entire summer talking to this hilarious, intelligent and kind British gentleman.

WE kept in touch during my entire year abroad, and after returning to Sweden I invited him to visit my family in Sweden.
He developed an interest in Swedish after meeting a girl in his college who was a Swedish-exchange student. Wanting to write her a farewell message in Swedish, he was lookign for "me" (or someone) to help him with Swedish. The girl returned to Sweden before I left for France, but by the time i returned from France I had inspired him to visit my country.

At first he was very unsure about visiting. We had only ever talked on the internet. Eventually I persuaded him and he arrived for the summer. Things were great. He was so kind and warm, but so shy.

He returned to England and a few months later I visited him.

He's a wonderful man. The British have some unique qualities, but they are very reserved. He never kissed me, and always hugged me like a man would greet a man. He seems very cold, at the same time as being so warm.

I discovered that when he was a younger, his father died of alcoholism. His mother raised his family on very little money, and life was tough. British men are raised never to show their emotions, unless it is laughter or anger.

One day his best friend, who I met whilst in England, told me that he had told him that the only reason we met was because of his father's death. After his death, they moved area, and had they not, he would never have met the Swedish girl to write the letter, and would never have wished to learn Swedish. He said that two of the best things in his life can only exist without the other. If his father had lived I would not be a part of his life, and his father's death results in me.

I began to think he liked me a lot. And I was growing closer to him. However, I am a Mormon, and he is an atheist. He's intelligent, open minded and wonderful, but as we grew closer, my religion became more of a problem - not for him, but for me. I realised that if we becames more than friends, I would wish for different things in the future than him. i would wish my children raised in one way to him. I have different aspirations to him.

When I realised this, I distanced myself a little, and seeing this and not wishing to seem upset, he distanced himself more, and became less affectionate than before we even met. He would only talk to pass information, and his humour died around me - but never with others he talked to.

I had a few crushes on some Mormon guys I know, but Missionaries see wonderful until they finish their mission. He was always funny, and always kind; always sending me little gifts on bad days knowing they would make me laugh. Even after we distanced ourselves, I would still receive letters wishing me good luck for exams, and little chocolates to celebrate after exams or a job interview or something.

Later, his friend, who I met in ENgland, died suddenly. Before his death, he wrote a letter to me, asking me to be him; to be his friend and to listen to him, and to do all the things that he had done for him. I cried for a week, it was so moving.

We began talking little more, although I never told him of this letter. His humour reappeared, but he never seems to talk to me in quite the same way. He always goes down a road, but always stops just before getting to the cross roads...and then he rethinks. He never wants to get to close, like it will only result in pain. I've tried to meet other guys, but he's always there, I can always here one of his sarcastic comments, or his funny little gifts.

Just before my 21st birthday, he phoned me and I mentioned my birthday and he gasped and said "YOUR BIRTHDAY? I forgot!". I laughed, and told him not to worry. I didn;t wish to be reminded I was getting old, I'd be in a diaper soon.

A few days later, a package arrived in the mail. In side the package was a diaper. I laughed. I took out the diaper and realised it was taped, so I opened the tape and inside was a small package. I opened that package, and inside was the most beautiful earrings and necklace.

I talked to my best friend, and she said that he hadn't forgotten my birthday and had called her a few weeks back to find out what jewellery I liked. He hates to shop, and really hates to buy jewellery for girls. He's always said you only buy you mother, your sister or your girlfriend jewellery - you never but it for friends. I took this to mean that he still loved me. But she said that he wanted me to know he didnt want me to think I loved him. She also said she thinks he only said that because he is was a bit embarassed - like I said, Brits are strange!

Since then, he has been a little warmer again, but still he's quite reluctant to get too close. I think part of the problem is me. My Dad wishes me to marry a nice Mormon and have children young. Although he loves my British friend I've never discussed him with them. My mum adores him, but perhaps that is the problem. In my head somehow I am slightly ashamed to like him because in my religion we tend to marry fellw Mormons.

This story hasn't ended. He's coming to study in my city next year as part of his university studies. Unfortunately I am moving to another city for my studies. I told him I was disappointed I wouldn't be there, but he just said "I don't mind, I know other people there". I'm so confused. Is he just being a proud Mr Darcy, or has he really lost interest in me?


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