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3rd chance?

I'll tell ya what love is a crazy thing !! Yes it is possible to fall in love with the same person twice...It happened to me. Could there be a 3rd time ? Who knows ?

Anyway for me it all started online when I was 16 years old with this awesome girl who eventually became my best friend because we were able to share everything ! We both know things about each other that our friends and family still don't even know to this day !

The only down side was the distance (me being from the south, and her from the north east)

We talked all the way through college. On the phone for hours upon end, we sent letters and pics and videos, but one day during my sophomore year (I was about 20) she dropped the biggest bombshell that she had met a guy that she thought she was going to marry. It was the most painful experience, yes I was seeing other people too but we "both" knew how compatible we were and really didn't take those relationships seriously.

It was so painful because we had just made plans to see each other, but what made it more painful was that the guy she married was not for her at all ! She married him for the wrong reasons, and I told her the probable outcome if she went through with it. I didn't agree with the age difference and the fact that we had more in common than anyone else it didn't matter. I was so distraught and devastated that it was so difficult for me to say anything or even fight because I was extremely heartbroken and quite frankly didn't know how to react. I wished her the best, and for several months I was upset and angry. Really I lost everything I once felt.

She tried contacting me for several months, but I ignored her because I was so angry and really didn't want to have anything to do with her. Then one day a year and half later after she was married we became friends again. We didn't talk everyday like we once did but it was amicable, however at that point I had moved on because I thought that was it.

I got involved with someone else for two years and it was a good thing for me. However one day outta the blue my old friend called me (and I could tell she wasn't happy being married) and said she was having her first child a beautiful daughter (what I always wanted). Didn't sound very thrilled and I didn't ask any questions other than saying congrads. I wasn't so thrilled but I was still happy for her. Even thought I never thought about it, something in the back of my mind said to me just be happy for her, after all I was never going to have her anyway.

As the months passed we started talking more and more. We were becoming close again. I would share her my personal stuff, and how the relationship I was in was driving me crazy. She was having fun being a mom, and it was like old times ! I still didn't feel anything for her then but it was just nice having my best bud back, and for once not feeling the resentment and anger (time is the best healer !) she had earned my friendship back.

After college I started my first job and was having a blast. Yeah I had gals in between but none of them panned out but yet I was having fun just being single. However my best friends marriage wasn't doing so hot.

I got to see her in person finally after 8 years wow (they were separated by then) ! We were both 24 and so excited because what was once lost had come back and boy was it worth the wait !! We didn't think about anything except our presence because we knew this was how it was going to feel once we met each other. I finally had a chance to meet the love of my life.

2 months down the road I got to visit her again. It was awesome. Then a month later we were talking and by then our relationship had become very serious. Basically it was about the past and what it could have been if I was given a clean chance. That part rocked me to the core again because it felt like being heartbroken all over again except it was 10x worse because I always wanted my first child to be with her because we even talked about it when we were young ( at 16 lol how silly was that?)

We pledged to work on it, but I just couldn't shake the hurt, and didn't know how ! I was physically sick for weeks, but weathered the storm. Regardless I had an internship which brought me 4-hours closer to her. Very excited about the move, but man my heart was still hurting and was just hoping that everything would return back to normal but this time we were going to do it together even though I wanted time away.

I always think to myself if I had gotten to see her wonderful blessing the first time around would things have been better? Who knows, but only God controls the outcome of things.

Anyway we had a good but rocky summer, mainly me because I was very depressed and still hurt even though she didn't do anything to me. I said things I shouldn't have said because I was not in the right mind set. She took it because she wanted to work it all out. Eventually we broke up shortly after her birthday, and it was the hardest thing ever. Before then we had talked about therapy sessions to get over my depression so we could have a normal life.

We talked about letting time pass hopefully in the future we could try things up again if the timing was right, because we still both saw it.

However bombshell #3...two weeks after we decided to separate my best friend (the woman whom for some reason still think I have a future with) jumped into another relationship with a guy she had just met at her work. Her daughter had taking a liking to him and vise versa and he's a good guy. I just always wished I had a fair shot like everyone else she had given, but never got :-(

Boy this hurt like no other because we had shared so much and it almost felt like it didn't mean anything. However me being older I learned how to forgive and not allowing it to fester. I knew that's the reason why she couldn't talk to me. She likes him a lot, and regardless of all that love we have for each other will always be there. So for now I'm just respecting them like I did once before.

We not talking, and I'm kinda glad because I need my space and I don't want to 'hate' her again like I did a few years back. As for the therapy sessions they went great ! I'm not depressed upset anymore, and would like to start from square one when the time is right. So I guess I'm hoping God give's us another chance, and this time it will be right. I don't agree with her jumping into something so fast but hey its her life. We'll always be the best of friends and as she said no one will take that spot. Its a sad story knowing what it could have been because with everyone I have been with they don't amount to her.

I always said I was going to marry my best friend. I guess we have to become best friends again, and I hope the next time around if God allows it, I'll get a fair chance. For now its not possible because of other things going on in our lives. It happened twice before with our paths somehow crossing again...

Will there be a 3rd? I hope so ! For now I am going to enjoy my life too... I miss her dearly


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