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Romance to Marriage

It all started back in the summer of 03. It was two days just before my birthday. I was home alone at my mothers waiting for my father to come and pick me up. My mother had gone to pick up my half brother and his brother to come back and stay the weekend. I think it was a relief to my mom that i wasnt going to be there for i am so much like her its not even funny. I didnt understand what shw ment by then. But hours went by and still no show from my father and no call either. I was crushed. I went out side to sit on the steps. My mother pulled up and my brother was the first to get out and walk up the steps to out house....I hadnt seen him and two weeks and he was going back to MO at the end of the summer. I was excited to see him. I jumped on him and he held me in a bear hug. Thats when i seen him. He was 6'8 muscle toned black hair and piercing green eyes that just made my body shake and my soul melt. It was love at first sight. After the weekend was spent laughing flirting and alot of making out we parted ways with phone numbers and emails. My heart raced everytime I heard his voice or had an email from him. See we came from different worlds. He came from a world of abuse and alot of pain and little faith. Fighting to stay alive was all he knew. I came from a world where everything was easy. Yea sometimes life was hard but in the end I had family there to help me get through anything. How he was and his life style excited me. It made my blood boil with passion toward him. After three months of talking all night on the phone and emails we decided to date. I fell hard head over heals inlove with this boy. He was two years older than me. And i loved his insight on things. Then the lies began. He thought and so did I if things were not interesting about our selves the other would leave. Secrets bagan. He kept hidden the fact that he smoked pot. The fist two and half years of our relationship were over the phone and through email we rarely ever got to see eachother. He never had a ride and my mother was worried because he was tonys son. My mother dated his father which in result ended with our half brother. (wierd i know but there is no blood there) Needless to say bad things happened in that relationship and my mother was trying to save me the hurt that she so thought i would endure. O I endured hurt but not physical emotional because my very being ached to be with this boy. 7 months into our relationship i recieved a call telling me that he was cheating on me. I confronted him and he came clean about it but that didnt matter to me. I was mad and I broke up with him. I ignored his calls and emails for 6 months straight. I cried every night because i missed him so. We had a connection that no one could explain a love that connected us deeply. I broke down and called him on halloween night. I asked him back out. He told me that he would but he had to break up with his current girl friend. So we were back dating. Everything was good except both of us were extremely jelous. It was bad. We went through so many nights of reasurance. Two and a half years went by and we decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level. He was going to sneak up and we were going to make love for the first time. When he did....Passion exploded. It was unreal to me. Nothing i had experienced before. That braught us closer. Then three and half years later tragedy struck....I had miscarried by then three times....See we didnt want a baby right then and there but he always wanted a family. It was heart breaking to us.....Then one night i recieved a call telling me my brother was shot...I was at my aunts for the summer. I got up and packed my things and called my boyfriend as quickly as i could...Holding back tears and trying to talk calm and multi task was not easy telling him that our brother had been shot and i knew nothing else. He packed his things and waited for my cousin and I to come get him. We went down to MO stayed there for two and half weeks and went home due to some very disturbing and violent family arguements. When we were there it braught us so much closer. We gave eachother the strength to carry on day by day. We kept eachother a level head while police kept insisting it was a suicide. We helped eachother out of that dark hole until a month later my mother called me and told me my brother had not made it. I screamed and broke down. I came crashing so hard. My first call was to my boyfriend. I told him what happened and that we were on our way to get him to go to MO. At this time I had found out he had been lying to me for 3 years about smokeing pot so i was not happy with him at all and was on the verge of leaving. The funeral was hard. We sang kid rock picture there. It was one of his fvorite songs. When we returned to illinois we were engaged. He promised to stop smoking and I ended up leaving my aunts to move in with him since my father gave me the ok to do so. We went and stayed with his father for a couple of days and it was there that i found out that i was pregnant. My boyfriend was over joyed. We made love that night. During my pregnancy it was really hard. My dr. took me out of school and my boyfriend and i faught and i was angry at him for always wanting to go out and not taking any iterest to what was happening to me. I couldnt go out i was so uncomfortable. From the baby lone i gained 89 pounds. I was measureing at 43 when i was only 32 weeks along. Needless to say i was huge. Plus on top of it for the whole 8months i was prego i was puking constantly. well the big day arrived and my dr decided to induce me. I was scared of what was going to happen and if i was going to have a c section. I am terrified of surgery. I was in labor for 3 days. When i got my epidural on the 2nd day late at night. I was in heaven. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I was woken up at 3 in the morning i was being rushed in for an emergency c section. My body went into onvulsions because i was so scared. All the while my boyfriend was trying to calm me. I was wheeled into the operating room and forty minutes later our son was born. He looked at me as he took our baby in his arms and smiled. Right then and there i knew we were a family. I breast fed for 3 weeks. I dried up for no reason at all. My dr could not explain it. 2 months after i went into a deep post partum depression. I wouldnt get out of bed talk or even play or look at my son. My boyfriend would urge me to do so but every time i got the strength i sank back down into me hole again. Finally i went out into the kitchen which is connected to the living room to get something to drink and my son was on the floor undernieth the baby jungle jim pads. He started to fuss. I walked over to look and he smiled at me. And then raised his hands to me. That was the first time he did that for anyone and it melted me heart. I picked him up and that seemed to be were the black cloud ceased. My boyfriend and I were married 7months later and it was going on five years of us being together. I still have that school girl week in the knees butterfly in your stomach type of feeling to this say toward my husband when he walk in the room. And I have realised I have a kind of love that not many experience this young or rarely in there entire lives. I couldnt think of a better person to have forever in hand with.


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