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Soul mate from long ago

I have been married for ten years but I am still deeply and truly in love with my soul mate ex-girlfriend who I haven't been able to see or speak with for 17 years.
We really were soul mates and I broke her heart. I had a self-destruct tendency which I would frenziedly enact on a seven year cycle of depression linked to the death of a previous girlfriend I literally would close up and burn all bridges.
DS lived with me for almost 4 years and we were literally insperable. We didn't have an argument for the first three years. She is such a beautiful, caring, adoring woman and I owe her everything.
She is now with another partner and has a step-child. I wish her all the happiness life can bring with her current relationship. I have three children of my own. DS and I used to both dream of the children we would have together.
All that changed when I realised a secret about my father I couldn't explain to her. She admired him so much and he was the only father figure she had for a very long time.
Worse of all, she had to leave me for a year and see me only at weekends because she had to take care of her grandparents. I live with guilt every day because I know in my heart I am living a lie. I love my family dearly but I know that I would give eveything up in a second if the opportunity arose to be with DS for the rest of my life. It would be a chance I could not miss. I am happier than most but still inside is this continual whisper of agonising yearning, a hunger that is insatiable like a forbidden addiction.
We will never be together again but she is the first thought I think about when I wake up and the last thought before I sleep. I dream of her frequently and sometimes the dreams are so real I never want to wake up.
My heart aches, my soul yearns and I hope one day, perhaps not in this life, we might be together once again.
She was my darling, my sweet beautiful friend and lover. We had great many laughs and fantastic sex too.
And I miss her more than I can say.


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