He says he wants to be friends but his behaviour suggests he wants more than that!

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Visitor's Question:
I split up with my ex nearly two years ago because it was too long distance but before then we had the perfect relationship. We were best friends and still, are but even better we were really strongly drawn to each other as a couple. Then as I was about to cross the Atlantic Ocean to see him again he told me he wanted to get back with his ex. I still went to see him but he wouldn't come on the trip we planned and tried to distance himself from me, though I knew he was trying his hardest to do this (he said he didn't want to get hurt or to hurt me but he ended up hurting both of us more). Anyway, as time went on he allowed himself to spend more time with me (whilst only contacting the girlfriend occasionally by phone) and we ended up rekindling the romance though he kept trying to deny it and after I left got back properly with the ex. Two years on I'm back home and he continues writing to me three times a week and calling fairly often too telling me all his deepest thoughts and feelings, though he says he only wants to be my best friend. I still really care about him and I would like the chance to work it out especially as I have the opportunity of spending a year in the same city as him. He however, insists that he has a girlfriend now (even though, by his own admission he doesn't find her very attractive, she treats him terribly and it won't last - this isn't my assumption, he has told me this directly). I mean the guy says he wants to be friends but the moment he finds out I have a new boyfriend he phones me at 5am because he's so worried he'll lose me (not a normal reaction from 'just a friend'). It's making me really confused and it worries me that he will continue acting like this for years to come. I recently told him that so long as he was going out with this other girl I would rather keep my distance (my relationship didn't last) and so I havent' spoken to him in a while. I just don't know what to do for the best, I would love to sort it out with him but at the same time, I'm not stupid enough to wait around for ages for an idiot who's just going to mess me around. it's causing me such deep emotional pain to know that he's with this other girl though he doesn't seem to want to change. What do you think are my options?



Our Suggestion:
Your options are to keep things the way they are, or to leave him behind.

It's been two years since you split up and he has been treating you as a best friend ever since with some reflexive moments of jealousy. It is possible for best friends to be jealous too. This relationship bothers you a lot and you are suffering for it. That's one option... keep bearing the pain.

Option two, to leave him is fairly self-explanatory. You never know, leaving him may bring him running but don't make your choice based on that slim hope.

Good luck! George



--Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com



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