Husband cheating for the entire first 3-1/2 years of our relationship

Suggest Advice

Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Six months ago I learned that my husband of 2 years (& whom I had known for a total of 3-1/2 years at the time) had cheated on me for our entire 3-1/2 year relationship with one woman. The worst part (to me) was that the woman he was having the ongoing affair with was his ex-wife, who had cheated on him for a couple years when they were married, and who even had a child with her lover while still married to my husband. [They were divorced for a year before I even met him.]

During our 3-1/2 year relationship (and apparently even before he met me), he would have sex with her when he went to went to visit his children for Wednesday visitations, telling me that he didn't even really see here, and that he just picked up the kids & took them out for dinner. Six months ago he got "busted" by his ex-wife's boyfriend in an upstairs bedroom, while my husband's & his ex-wife's kids were sitting downstairs in the living room waiting to go to eat.

This is my first marriage and my husband & I have a baby together, so I really wanted to try to work it out with him if possible. We went to see a therapist for 3 months after I found out & we seemed to be doing well, so we stopped seeing her, but sometimes I feel so depressed & stupid for staying with him. He says he's sorry & the affair is over, but I believe that if he wouldn't have gotten caught, he'd still be doing it. I don't know that I can ever trust him again. I check his cell phone daily to see if he's calling her, & when he does call her or the kids, he records it &/or I listen on the line. I even am on the phone with him every time he goes to pick up/drop off the kids for the weekend. Wednesday visits don't happen any more.

Is there any advise you can offer? Am I being ridiculous thinking we can work things out, with me not even believing that I will ever be able to trust him with her anymore?

Our Suggestion:
Trust is one of the keystones of a good relationship.

Without trust, honesty, and loving a relationship is doomed.

My advice is that unless you can develop trust in him that you find a good divorce lawyer and get rid of him.

Good luck! George

--Your Friendly Advisors at

Your Advice:

IMPORTANT NOTE: This form is not for getting advice!! This form is for adding your helpful note to THIS existing question. If you need advice, pleae read the Advice Pages.

Your Gender:
Female | Male

Your Age Range: