dating a divorced father

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Visitor's Question:
I dont know if you can give me advice, but i guess its worth a shot. This is my story, I met "chris" at my fathers business and we kinda hit it off, we had alot of chemistry. this was in december, but i have know him for the past three years, we have emailed each other back and forth about my realationships with guys, well now he is the guy im seeing. but at the time he was married, and his wife was pregnant. but the child was an accident. the two of them have been in marriage counceling for the past couple of months b4 the baby was concieved. they were married in may of 05. well they thought a child would make them closer, but they werent going to try for a couple more months, but it happened unexpectedly. so the child was brought into this world for the complete wrong reasons. well they decided to break it off in december when she was three months pregnant. thats when we started talking more seriously. well we have fallen completely in love, (hes 27 and im 19) Im still in college studying architecture, i have like 4 more years of study. but anyway, i didnt think the child would upset me as much as it is. right now they arent even seperated yet, the papers havent been signed, their lawyers are takeing a long time to get them together, so we have to keep things a secret until theyre signed so he dosent have to pay alimony to her. well they have agreed on her having full custody and he getting the baby everyother weekend. and he can take her sometimes during the week. but until the baby is old enough he cant take her, for about three months, the baby was born march 17. so the ex bring the baby over to his parents house everynow and them for the visit for about an hour of two. but i cant stand it. i hate the fact that i have to share him and that he is spending this time with his ex, and that she doesnt even know about me. she thinks hes just a single man. his family cant even know about me. i dont know what to do, i love him sooo much, i love every moment with him, but i cant stand the fact that i have to share him. and that he had his first child with her. i cant stand that he was previously married. i dont know hwat to do, because i can see a future between us, but i never thought i would have to deal with a child and an ex. what do i do, i have no one to talk to because no one knows about us, i have told my parents and they love him to death, but they keep telling me to make chris go back to his ex for the childs sake. so i cant talk to them about all this. i dont know what to do do you have any advice of what i should do. or how to handle this situation. i hate that he goes to visit her on nights that i had something special that i planned for him that was sopposed to be a surprise and he doesnt show because he went to visit the baby. i cring when i hear him or anyone else talk about the baby, i need some positive feedback, something tghat will make me feel better about the situation. i want to love the baby but i cant get out of my mind that its her baby also, its part of her and him. i havent even been able to see the baby yet. oooo and he has to pay 800 in child support is that normal. when he only make 2000 a month. is dating a divorved father a bad idea. i need advice. please help me. please please please. i have no one to talk to, or do you know of someone i can talk to ????? thank you for your time

Our Suggestion:
First you must accept in your mind and heart that the wife and baby are water under the bridge. That train has left the station.

You have to deal with what's left over. Since you love your b/f so much, you should be able to deal with those aspects of his life that are troublesome.

Encourage him to get the divorce over with as fast as possible. Presumably he has a lawyer to look out for his rights.

Whether all this is a bad idea is up to you. Are you positive that he wants a divorce now that he has a baby and child support? These are practical matters that need discussion. Don't marry him and then find out it's not going to work out.

If you can find a member of the clergy that would be a good person to talk to, or it might be worth your while to go to a professional couselor. You need all the help you can get.

Good luck! George

--Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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