Going around in circles.

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Visitor's Question:
I've been on and off with my first love for three years. We are currently off and have been for the past 6 months, the longest time we've been apart. Our last break up was messy. We'd decided to take a "break" for two weeks and in that time he met a girl through his brother's gf. Less than two weeks after we (mostly he) called it quits, he was in a relationship with her. I assumed it was a rebound but they were together all summer and still are. All of my friends don't understand it, agree with me that they don't fit, and none of us thought that it would last this long.

Whenever I see them together, it's obvious that she's more into him than he is into her because she's always the one that initiates the physical contact and whatnot (and she definately does it more when I'm around.) She gushes about him in her blog and he mentioned her a few times at the beginning, but not so much anymore. I believe that he was more affectionate with me and since they jumped into the relationship so fast that it can't be real. This could be denial. Is it the real thing?

I've tried to move on and make myself realize that it very well may be over for good this time, especially since our last time around involved cheating on his part which lead to insecurity and jealousy issues on my part. We were very close friends before we started dating and it's been hard to limit contact with him, especially since we live in the same town and have the same friends. We even started out at the same college and have now transferred to the same college.

Over summer, most of the contact we had was initiated by him via IM, texting, posting on my blog (which he and his new gf visit frequently) and whenever we ended up at the same place he'd strike up conversation. I thought I was strong enough for this not to drive me crazy, but I was wrong so I cut off contact again and ignored him completely. Once I did this to him in public and he left appearing upset and that same night I caught him driving past my house. When I questioned him about it, he gave me some lame excuse.

Lately we've had more physical contact because of end of summer parties and school starting up again and I believe he's flirting with me but I can't be sure. He had a bonfire at his house recently and invited me. I almost didn't go but my friends said I should, so I went. His gf fell asleep and I was one of the last people to leave. I mentioned that I thought I'd leave soon and a friend of mine said I shouldn't and he made a comment like, "Yeah. It's not a party if you go home." His gf left for work while we were at breakfast and when we came back we all fell asleep and he picked a spot near me, but nothing happened. I had to get my calculator back from him yesterday so he brought it and called me and we ended up having lunch together, meeting up with friends for video games and playing racquetball. I was having fun and all, but then his gf called and asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner, so he had to leave. I was crushed.

Basically, I want to know if he's trying to get back on my good side because he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, or if he's interested in something more but doesn't know how to go about it because he messed up so bad. A friend told me that it's a possibility that he wants to be with me again but hasn't broken up with her because he isn't sure I'll take him back.

What's really going on?

Our Suggestion:
It's too early to tell what his feelings are.

You may have to come right out and ask him how he feels about you. He might not even know himself.

So keep on doing what you have been doing since it seems to be working well and hope for the best.

Good luck! George

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