I Don't know how to read him anymore!

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
This is the thing. I'm 32 and I've liked this guy since I was 12(I was really shy). Eleven years ago I wrote him some letters(All I had to do at the time was call him and tell him I had a letter for him and he would come over to get it) We were slowly beginning to be friends. Then a guy that I thought was a friend to both of us, told me that he had been showing these letters to everyone. Instead of asking the guy in question about it, I just left the town(Aug). In October met the guy that I married.
Seen him in the last eleven years. Went to a club one night with my hubby and the guy was there(Gave me the dirtiest look)
Two years ago this guy's father passed away, thought I'd be nice and wish him my sympathies. We started to talk to each other again, I asked him if it was true that he was showing the letters to everyone(Said no that he had never showed them to anyone, not even his best bud and that he still had them there). After I spoke with him I realized that the feelings were still there(on my part). Thought that if I saw him I would see that it was all in my head(wrong). Went to see some of his hockey games(he was like a teen trying to show off for a girl), The bad part is that I felt like that Teen girl all over again. We continued to talk to each other for a few months, Then out of the blue he kept telling me "It's too late now". then he stopped talking to me completely. Now I'm having a hard time to forget him. My marriage seems to be falling apart around me because of this. My feelings for my hubby seem to be changing(from this or other reasons? I don't know) I guess I don't want to know if he loves me, I would like to know how I could read his behavior.

Our Suggestion:
It isn't unusual for our first love to stay with us late into our lives (in our minds, that is).

Your discovery about the misunderstanding supercharged your old feelings which came roaring back to life. You felt young again and adventurous. Your husband felt like cold potatos next to the excitement you felt.

Now you are having a hard time forgetting your old flame and your marriage feels like it is falling apart.

There is really only one sensible option and that is to share all this with your husband and then both go see a professional counselor. Perhaps with asssistance you can rebuild the trust, communications and affection that are essential to a good marriage.

Hope this helps! George

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