My fiance's ex and so-called friends.

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
1. Me and my fiance have been going out for about a year. The first question is that she says she does not care who knows about the engagement but still has not told anyone is this a sign that maybe she doesnt want to get married?
2. She also ad a very bad relationship with a man for eight years. She went to counseling about it and the counsler told her he was her drug. she was addicted to him because even tho she knew in her heart mind and soul that he was no good for her she still went back to him. Since we have been going out and then engaged I have caught her talking with him on the phone. She told me it was that even tho she wants nothing to do with him romantically anymore he still is a big part of her life and always will be. She promised 3 times she would stop calling him but has lied all 3 times and has been calling him. But only because he calls her like 50 times a day. This has almost seperated us many times. Last night we talked about it and I offered a compromise. She could talk with him whenever she feels the need as long as she was honest and open that she had talked with him and as long as it is just friendly talk ie hows your job been. you ok. hows the kids etc. She says she really wants no more communication with him but sometimes when he calls he gets the best of her and she answers and talks with him. She said she doesnt know how to stop it. Shes changed her number 3 times, harrasment charges etc. But mentally she just can't kick him to the curb. Any Advice.

3. Because of the last question and a few nights of her going out and being gone for a weekend at a time which doesnt happen anymore we worked that stuff out real early in the relationship. But anyways I have noticed myself becoming more insecure about our relationship and jealous sometimes healthy/ok jealousy but most of the time not. I have even stooped to a new low and checked on her phone if she had called him and e-mail. I have told her about what I had done and that I do not feel good about distrusting her and checking up on her. I just want a good healthy clean trusting relationship with her and I have expressed this. Should I let things go and let things lie where they may or cry for a week after breaking up with her and move on cause there is no hope. I really love her alot and I know she does me as well we spend almost ever free minute we have together(cause of work and we live in seperate houses)so weekends and some days in the week we see each other. I am pretty sure there is no cheating but because of the lies I don't know if maybe she would lie about that too. She is strongwilled and very independant so I know she loves her space and sometimes I may crowd her so I do give her her girls nights out and all. I reassure her everday that I love her and want to help in anyway I can with anything she needs me to. As far as the ex thing she says that it is not my problem that it is hers to deal with and that I do not deserve to have to deal with it. I have told her I understand and that one day it will pass whether he moves on finally or moves away, gets tired, she gets over whatever she needs to, natural causes etc. Someday it will pass and I am willing to put up with it til it does as long as it is once again just friendly talk. Sorry I have talked your head off. I could go on and on. My overall question is any advice you could give will be well appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Our Suggestion:
My best advice to you is for you and your g/f to go to a professional counsellor and get the close attention you deserve.

Even though you are concerned about your jealousy, from the way you describe it you are a very understanding man and she is lucky to have you despite your occasional jealousy.

You should ask her why she hasn't told anyone about the engagement... that is a puzzling question.

You did a good thing when you compromised and said she could talk with her ex. That will reduce a lot of tension in your lives.

But the main this is for you two to see a counsellor together.

Hope this helps! George

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