We Broke Up to Play the Field

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Visitor's Question:
My ex-girlfriend and i just recently broke up on terms that we are very young and need to see what else is out there. There are also other reasons like i never really trusted her and i know that every relationship needs trust. We both still have feelings for each other but she isn't dwelling on it and has already been seeing other people.

I don't know what i want to do. About a week ago i was tired of worrying about her and wondering if we were every going to get back together, at the time we were still taking on a regular basis but i decided with everything going on we should not be talking right now. She was upset and called me immature for not being able to deal with her moving on.

She wants to be friends and when i still have feelings for someone the friend thing doesn't work for me! She doesn't understand this and says that i was never her friend. but why would i want to be her friend if all i cared about was getting back together, thats not fair for the both of us.

So now i am letting time be my guide and to see if she will come back to me. I dunno if this will work but when you think about the future with this girl i am willing to take that chance. Am i right in what i am doing or I am being my old, jealous self again?

Our Suggestion:
If you guys broke up then something was wrong in the relationship that you guys hadn't managed to work out. People don't break up "just because" and go searching for new people to date "just to see". If you two had been really happy together, breaking up wouldn't have come up. So there were issues that you weren't able to manage.

She merrily went out and started dating other people, so she of course has no problem now telling you all about these people "as a friend". But I bet she would see things quite differently if YOU started seeing a bunch of girls and started calling her all the time telling her all about these great girls you are dating!! It's very easy to say "let's be friends" when you are the one with dating stories to tell. It's quite another to deal with the jealousy of hearing about an old love and the new girls he's found that are so much better than you.

Also for her to be dating again after such a short period of time isn't healthy. You always need to give yourself a deal of time to get through the recovery and rebound period. It really sounds like she just launched herself into this and this is her way of dealing with it. So don't let her try to tell YOU how to recover when she is doing it poorly.

Maybe after she dates a few other guys she will realize what she lost by breaking up with you. But again, there were issues in there that caused the breakup - and you need to really think about them and find ways to address them. Otherwise even if you two DID end up together again, you'd break up again for the exact same reasons.

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