I'm still missing him after a year

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Visitor's Question:
there was once a guy i've loved very much. we were doing great for about 2 1/2 years until he joined a social club. he got less time for me and never wanted to introduce me to the other members of that club. next thing i know, things got cold between us.

afterwards, he asked to come back to me but i didn't accept him because that time, i had a new boyfriend. he kep insisting to go back and soon after, i broke up with the new one because i realized that i still love my ex. i came back to him, knowing that he is still not committed to another one, until he said that he already have a new girlfriend on the social club where he is in. he told me to stay with him because he still loved me and he just can't get to call it quits with the new one.

i stayed. i was blinded with love. after 6 months of me being the "other girl", i asked him what's up. he told me he can't still get it off with that girl because he is waiting for the new girl to call it quits first. i think it was unfair. i broke up with the guy after him, why can't he do it for me.

i went away. i got a job, tried to forget about him, for the first few months, he still kept on trying to communicate with me. i refused to have any connection with him anymore. i tried every which way to forget him. i thought of all the pains he had given me. i was so hurt that i never took any guy seriously again after him.

it's almost a year, and honestly, when i see things that used to remind me of him, it still hurts me. i always compare guys with him. i don't know whether i still love him or not, but after a year of trying to get over him, i guess i'm still a failure. is 1 year not enough?

Our Suggestion:
If you were with him for 2 1/2 years, I can see it still being painful after a year. It's not like it was a clean breakup where you both walked away knowing it was over. He dragged it out and you put a ton of faith and trust into him. And he abused you. That can really take a while to get through.

It's not that you're a failure. It's that you had healthy amounts of trust, that all relationships need, and that he used you and took advantage of that.

You might consider going to a therapist to talk about things and to get some coping techniques. The therapist could really find out what the big issues are for you and help you get through those. It might only take a few weeks to get you on a real path to recovery.

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