A special case ...

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Visitor's Question:
I came to notice this young woman trying to make eye-contact with me at our offices. At first I didn't react to her. But then I couldn't ignore her for long & decided to go for it. She was very cute & seemed to be mature enough. My cubicle faced the corridor everybody uses to go to the coffee machine or to the toilettes. So everybody can see me & I them. A strategic place! So while going to get some coffee or back right in front of my cubicle this woman sometimes turned her head slightly to my direction & smiled or said hello! Only there were two big problems. I'm a very shy guy, &... we rarely had the same working shifts since she worked in another section. There were always an hour or two difference between our arrivals or leavings. & so not the same break times neither. Nevertheless we managed to talk to each other but for a very short time due to very tight work schedules. I felt that she really liked me. Maybe even had a crush on me. I wanted to talk with her longer & not just for a few seconds at work. & I felt she had the same feelings & was waiting for me to make a move. We both lived in different cities so we couldn't just make an appointment to go out. & we couldn't find enough time to meet & to know each other & it wasn't a good idea to follow her everytime she goes to the coffee machine either. Nevertheless I caught up with her once at the train station & talked & joked for 1/2 hour. Then another 1/2 hour some 2-3 weeks later (yes that is right 2-3 weeks!!). Still I had the feeling that she was in a bit of a hurry. I felt she wanted to get to a conclusion fast. She went regularly to the toilettes or the coffee smiling to me sometimes. Sometimes she didn't even bother to do that. But with time going fast & no development, happened what I feared that would happen. She lost interest in the whole thing. One day caught up with her while going to the station again. But she seemed to be angry. Maybe bcs I caught up with her. Just as I started to talk she told me that she was married (a fact which I doubted beforehand). Still we made it talking to the station. but I don't know if she completely lost interest in me or not.

Now I don't know what to do. I feel that she is disappointed that I didn't grab the opportunity fast enough to get closer to her. Or that she thought I'm not interested in her. I really want her. I was feeling like sh... that same evening. So what shall I do to get her back? Hopefully there are no other males to interest her in the offices. But I don't want to wait till s.o. might pop up in her life. So how to "have her back" & how to do that with our lousy work schedules??? She is trying now to attract anyone else to her just like she did with me. That is s.th. I don't understand. I wonder if I have to be patient till she comes back to me (as it happened with her before)? Bcs saying to me that she is married -which doesnt mean that she is happy with him- isn't a very encouraging sign. Did she want to close all possibilities? Was she really interested in me in the first place? Or was this just a game to get me to try with her again? I'm weighing the idea to go tell her my true feelings to her : That I love her. But I fear that she might not reply favourably.
Your tips are very usefull in this site but I doubt that they could be of any help in this special case.
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Our Suggestion:
Well, you won't like this answer, but my feeling is that 80% or more of this is in your imagination. How she feels about you, I mean.

So she smiled at you and said hello...as you said, your cubicle is strategically place and a friendly person would interact with you.

Why would she tempt you (as you believe) and then throw cold water on you? It doesn't make sense. Rather, she probably began to realize that you were infatuated with her and for whatever reason told you she was married. And, who knows, perhaps she is happily married.

My advice is to let her go and don't weave any more fantasies about her...even if she starts smiling at you again. If she stops at your cubicle to chat then you might be a bit bolder with her and see where it leads. But, as things stand now, she has given you a big stop sign and you should heed it. Also, don't yeild to the temptation to give her the cold shoulder... that would be understandable but inappropriate to your purpose.

Good luck! George

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