Should I Wait or Should I Stay?

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Visitor's Question:
What if you know you are in love with a person and that person is in love with you, but they are in a bad life situation outside of the relationship? Should you wait, because you know they are the one or move on and hope that they can get out of their situation and be with you later in life?

Our Suggestion:
I'll use "he" in my answer just because it's easier than saying he/she everywhere. If it's a girl, I'm sorry! Just add the S in everywhere.

It really depends a lot on how this situation came about. Let's say he was riding a bike and was struck by a car, and is in the hospital for 6 months. You could still write and spend time together, and when he came out you guys could be far stronger than any other relationship could possibly be. That would be a good thing to work through. All relationships have ups and downs and you would have shown that you were stronger than the occasional down.

But let's say that he's into cocaine seriously. It's become a serious part of his life. That's something you can't "help" with. He has to truly and honestly want to break the habit and then do it. If you're around, he might either try to do it to please you or get really annoyed with you for your nagging about it. Or feel guilty when he does it and then take it out on you even if you don't say anything. That would be a prime case to leave and let him work through the problem on his own. If it was meant to be, he'll come back to you clean and you'll be boyfriendless at the time to start your friendship anew.

OK, let's say that he held up a liquor store and shot someone, and is now in jail for 10 years. This wasn't something that just "happened to him". This is something he did and he's paying the consequences. As much as circumstances can get in the way, there was at the root his action that caused this. If he had treasured you and his life more than his desire for fun or cash or whatever, he wouldn't be in the mess. If he gets out, there's no real guarantee that it won't happen again, if he was capable of it before. And the next time he is short of cash or gets angry or something, it'll happen again. And now you're out another 10 years.

So it's incredibly hard to generalize, but for me it would come down to if this time apart is because of bad luck (car crash, parents dragging him somewhere etc) or is because of something he did.

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