My Jealousy is ruining everything...Suggest AdviceDo you have some advice for this person? Visitor's Question: I have always been known for my jealousy, it has lost me many friends along the way for one reason only it annoys them just as much as me I know where it all came from which is a start I guess My first boyfriend I had a relationship with on and off for about 5 years paid no attention to me at all In fact he was better as a friend talked he to me more He always used to flirt with my best friend they both told me it was nothing and I agreed and moved on A couple months later they both confessed their love to each other in a room whilst at a youth gathering and it came out later that they had both been lying to me and I was left heartbroken as the two people that meant the most to me in the world had lied to me about the same thing I couldn’t bear to see them toghether but tried to get over it and saw that they were both happy, which gave me a sense of joy for some reason. my best friends ex who happened to be my friend since he moved in the area was on their side as well it wasn’t until he heard my side of the story that he began to sway towards me and my case. I had liked this boy for ages during the time in which I was single and he randomly started talking to me and my best friend one day(this was before the whole best friend stealing boyfriend thing) he was so nice and we instantly connected we both fancied him but kept it secret then she asked me about it one day and I said stupidly they would make a good couple which was the main cause for them getting together I was too blind with love for my on and off relationship that i ignored my feelings and let the two date without saying a thing The thing was her boyfriend would feel me up and flirt as a joke and we all knew it was a joke because they just did it for my funny reaction Little did they know my feelings but after a while I just thought it was a good way to make my relationship stronger with the distance and the fact he may feel slightly jealous and talk to me more my best mate and her boyfriend eventually broke up thanks to me pretty much which i feel really bad for they weren’t in love enough to save anything so they moved on quickly this was when the situation arose with my boyfriend and i was left all alone the boy who went out with my best friend chatted to me and we became really close he later asked me out which i originally thought was a joke because he used to do it a lot when going out with my mate so i assumed he was joking when I found out he wasn’t i delayed my response because despite how my friend had betrayed me and hurt me I considered how she would feel about me going out with her ex After careful thought i said yes and it felt weird at first because my ex never hugged me and we never even kissed despite a 5 year relationship Whereas my new boyfriend was fully experienced and was full on and wondered why I would sometimes push him away It took a years worth of relationship between us to really get anywhere then finally on Halloween we shared our first kiss This was my first ever kiss so it was special but I knew very well he lost his ages ago and had even snogged my best friend not that far back from then We’ve come along way since then And I can hardly believe that less than two years ago i wouldn’t even hug him We’ve already had sex And have also performed oral on each other And it’s bought us so close as we both lost our virginity too each other This made me feel special because I always manage to bring myself down that we couldn’t share both our first kisses He’s suggested marriage, engagement, moving in together which is full on but I would give anything for it Basically we’ve gotten through so much together that it feels that it’s going to get somewhere Being together has caused arguments between my parents and his foster parents But it all seems worth it The reason for some of our arguments is his past for he was sexually abused by someone he knew Beaten by some family members almost raped by a family friend and ordered to play mummies and daddies In a sexual manner by a girl he knew He was also cheated on by past girlfriends We try not to talk about it but it makes him violent sometimes and he keeps his pain within him when he should talk But despite all this he’s made me feel so loved, wanted and the sex was amazing as it was great to feel so close to my first real partner I was happier than I could ever have been with anyone my best mate had split up with my ex and we grew close again during this time only for them to date again shortly afterwards but by this time i had realised mine and her situation were not that different she loved someone that I happened to be with and vice versa All was forgiven and we were both happy with our new found loved ones and the switch was definitely for the best Me and my boyfriend had a few arguments over jealousy but it was nothing we couldn’t overcome Simple things like hugging my other friend which hurt but not enough for us to refuse to talk about and sometimes joke about We built our relationship over time and all was going great until my best mate and her boyfriend grew apart because he just wouldn’t talk to her and once again talked more during friendship I knew exactly what she was going through but one day he dumped her and she ran over to our friendship group crying and flew into the arms of my boyfriend for comfort because we were too busy talking elsewhere the worse thing was i was taking a picture of my friend at the time and in the background you could see the two of them hugging and it looked more that friendly to me which was clearly the jealousy speaking I ignored it and also went over to comfort her but it became too much and I ran away and no-one followed me to see what was wrong I spent the whole day wandering around in floods of tears why they didn’t bother asking me what was wrong is all that i could think and why did it look like more than friends to me I eventually wondered over to the group and saw them talking together and just froze They saw me and all they did was wave at me It made me feel terrible Asking myself why when she was crying she got a hug and comfort and i didn’t I felt like I was everyone’s least favourite and even faked being ill so that i could spy on them Nothing happened but for some reason jealousy just expects them to leap into each others arms and start making out and telling each other how much they love each other and how he is going to dump me when i return When you know very well its not going to happen I approached them and tried to pretend everything was alright but then he said something and I didn’t reply because it hurt too much to communicate with him I then just broke down in tears and ran off he followed me and it ended up turning violent I punched him across the face because he said some mean things like I was over-reacting and he is fed up of my jealousy when he previously said he loves me for being like it because it shows him I care and don’t want to lose him It turned into a full on fight and we both ended up in tears ,battered and bruised I got a bump on my head and he got one on the side of his head as well so we both suffered greatly emotionally and physically We both then fell into each others arms weak and crushed But something made it feel different Both single we tried to make it though the day but we were so in love that the following day all was forgiven and we moved on because it made us both realise that we needed each other so very much The bruises and bumps eventually faded but the jealousy and hurt in my heart would never disappear It’s effected us ever since and we have been breaking up almost everyday non-stop since the hug Because of the jealousy It’s gotten to the stage where even if I see her walking on the far right and him on the far left I get jealous because of the height difference me being taller than him and being used to the girl leaping up into the others arms It’s perfect for him and my best friend I am also prone to get jealous with my other friend as well now And once my ex and my boyfriend pretended to be in a gay relationship for laughs But I got so jealous that I demanded he dumped him which was stupid and felt like I had no say in it as I felt like I was being controlled by something It’s gotten to the stage now where I cry each night and wonder whether ending the relationship for good will ease it I can’t even stand him talking to her anymore or having her make him laugh when I had no part in it Even if I am laughing as well deep down I want to slap her But just recently my friends have been complaining that it’s getting too much for them to handle and its getting pathetic My boyfriend also started a thread on a forum that claimed he felt suicidal because he had been dumped over jealousy All the replies featured me being called names and claimed as being not worth it ,not good enough and saying that he can find better I felt crushed that someone outside the situation could say that As they don’t know the extent of it Or anything that he has done to cause it or other things that added to the decision I swore I would move on but later on today I took him back because I still love him with all my heart The jealousy is becoming so bad that I have been looking online for therapist’s hypnotherapies anything that I feel will help Writing it down like this doesn’t show the true extent of my jealousy but I need some kind of help to get over it Sorry if it’s too long I’ve just got so much to tell that might help resolve it I don’t know whether to end it or not because finishing things probably won’t help as it will happen with in future relationships as well so i msut find a way Thank you for any guidance you can give to me Our Suggestion: Solving jealousy is one of the more difficult things to do. The best solution is to go to a counselor and get professional advice. You could go to this website for advice: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682 You could order "Taming the Jealousy Beast for Females" for $9.99 at: http://www.romanceclass.com/ebooks/jealousy_f.asp Good luck! George --Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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