He is leaving her for me

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
The guy that I am dating is 43 and I am 26. He has been married for 17 years and told me that he is unhappy and is getting a divorce. I didn't believe him at first, but now his wife has filed the divorce papers. He goes to court in a month to get legally seperated and tells me he wants to be with me (and even marry me!) after its all over. We can't see each other right now but we talk on the phone all the time. He tells me he loves me and that I am what he has been looking for for a long time. I really do love him and want to be with him. He has a 15 year old son. What should I do? He is the best person that I have ever met. We have so much in common, but I am worried about how this is going to affect his son as well as my family when they find out. He wants to introduce me to his son as soon as he gets seperated. I worry about being a good stepmom and role model. I know he loves about me, but I need to know how to tell my family when the time is right and how to proceed with his son. Basically, can this work?

Our Suggestion:
Based on what you have said, I feel that this relationship will work out just fine. You both seem to be loving and caring people.

Teenagers are unpredictable, so expect anything but don't blame yourself. He will be naturally upset by the divorce and may even blame you. Try to put yourself in his position and determine how you would feel and what you would want. Probably the most important thing is for you to quickly develop love for him and he will feel it even if he has a hard shell. Give him good food, teenagers always love that. And keep plenty of his favorite snacks and drinks ready for him. If money is not too tight, buy the latest electronics (including games) and set them up in his room (if he has one). Help him invite his friends over, including overnights, and take drop them off for movies or hanging out where they can enjoy themselves. Make sure the divorce decree has an equitable division of parental rights. I assume that your boyfriend has a good relationship with his son, but if not, you may have to encourage him to relate properly.

As far as your parents... hopefully their first concern is that you are happy. That and their expectation that you are going into this with your eyes wide open. Try not to move in with your BF too soon if at all possible. This may not be economically feasible but it will go over better with your parents. The age difference is not a concern in my mind but they may worry about it. Discuss all these matters openly with your relatives. Express your desire that your relatives treat the boy excellently. Not only will they respect your care for the boy, but it will hopefully result in a better relationship for the son.

Hope some of this helps! George

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