man i've got issues.... pardon the length eh

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Visitor's Question:
alright i'm 18 yo male. i have a really good heart in reality but i also have an addiction problem and addictive personality. for i don't know how long now (because i can't remember, it wasn't THAT long ago), i've really been into this one girl. i can't stop thinking about her, i guess thats normal? idk? i read it somewhere on here. i knew i really liked her but i didn't want to screw her life up by getting into a relationship with her while i still have drug problems. well, i told her how i feel and she said she has some feelings for me too. that was a few weeks ago now i'm biding my time trying to get better but not doing well... umm anyway i realized today i am infatuated with her, that would be the word. its not love i'm not one of those immature little teens thinking something like that. and she likes me back. but i'm ALWAYS scared or paranoid or whatever abo.ut what her motives really are. like is she lying? does she really think this and that? etc etc i'm basically real insecure. we are not going out (yet ((I hope)))))))). now i'm worried. i think i have to go to rehab and the only thing i can think of is how i can completely lose this relationship that i COULD have with this wonderful, real woman during that course of time. shes actually still a girl, a little younger than me BUT NEVERTHELESS. shes a woman. ok. now idk what the hell to do she knows my feelings but i almost feel like i want to reserve her for when i get back, but shes not an object so i can't. how can i let her know about that? like that worries me? and also how can i find out how she would feel about that it may sound stupid but i want to know what the likelihood of her losing interest in me while i'm in rehab is. i don't want to lose this! ahh! also is there any possible way i can get her mother to let us hang out? the mother doesn't trust me but doesn't know me personally. what do i do? ps: is infatuation a healthy relationship stage and when the f will it end??? i really hate thinking about her allllll the time it gets me down. and how can i keep myself on the same level as she is when it comes to how she feels about me? i don't want to make her uncomfortable. sorry for the length i just have unorganized thoughts i probably really didn't even ask everything i wanted to. oh well. peace

Our Suggestion:
You asked a lot of questions and I'll do my best to answer as many as I can.

First off, you are absolutely right that getting into rehab is a necessity. Can you tell this girl that you are going to do that? How long is rehab? If you can tell her then tell her you are doing it partly for her (which should be true.) Ask her if she thinks she can wait for you. Don't worry so much about her motives. She probably has no bad motives... why should she?

My guess is that if she knows you are going into rehab she will wait for you because that will help you get thru rehab knowing she is waiting. If you don't tell her about rehab she will think you have forgotten about her.

Get to know her mother in person. Do it after rehab and make sure you look good to her (clothes, hair, shoes). People usually like people once they have met them.

Infatuation is normal. But don't expect it to go away once you start going out with the girl... it might even get worse. But on the other hand once you start communicating with her more often the infatuation won't feel so bad.

Always talk with her about how you feel and make sure you understand how she feels. This will keep you on the same level. Hope this helps.

Good luck! George

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