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Visitor's Question:
I'm currently going out with a really attractive woman who is full of
insecurities. She fancied me first, and really initiated everything. I
have only started to realise how pretty she is recently, well over the
last few months, and also seeing other guys paying attention to her.

Our relationship started off rocky and has been for a long time. I
know I'm the "nice guy" TM and for a long time I thought to hell with
the bad guy always getting the woman, I'm going to preserve my morals
or whatever. So of course I treat her well, and am obviously
under-appreciated. I would like to somehow regain control of this
relationship.

My main problem is when we go out or socialise she just flirts with
every guy in the place, even when I'm there. We've had numerous fights
over this and I just hate getting jealous. I realise that it doesn't
do anyone any good. While she has said that she wants to change, and
she has, it's just hard not to think of the old times, when she laughs
at another guys joke or pays too much attention to another guy when I'm there. All the little things that I suppose you wouldn't think about only for what she was like before. Don't get me wrong she hasn't completely changed from being a crazy flirt, she still does it, just not as much. Apparently it was what ruined her previous relationship.

It also took her some time to get into a relationship with me, she didn't want to hurt me, and also was afraid of what it would be like without me afterwards.

She also doesn't pay me a lot of attention a lot of the time but I think it's just because I pay her a lot. Don't worry I know this sounds needy, but it's not really. She will go through her patches of getting upset if I don't call, and then I'll wait for a text from her.
So I suppose I don't call her all that often, but with the time difference at the moment it's hard. She's in America where she's from, and I'm in England. So when I'm getting up she's going to bed, and so we really only have like a small window of communication.
I want to, without giving an ultimatum, get her to change, and for me to be more confident and secure in the relationship, while also being
appreciated.
Please please please can you help me, otherwise I think we are going
to have to split up.

Our Suggestion:
Your relationship sounds fairly normal.

The typical flirting problem, the efforts to make amends, concerns about not hurting the other person.

Forget the old times, as I'm sure you must realize. They are in the past and a good sign that she is changing. You have to forget the past. Life is too short!

I feel good about your relationship, mostly because you are so secure in how you express yourself and analyze the situation.

Good luck! George

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