A Pressing Issue Final

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Hello, this is again... same writer from A Pressing Issue 1 and 2. This is also going to be my last message, as I'm sure you have more important things than listen to me haha.

Well, the girl (G as I called her in my last letter) came to see me already. It was great. Better than I had anticipated. It was... as though I felt truly happy with her. She spent 3 days with me, and we went out all the time, dinner, movies, staying in and watching movies, even to a concert and a lot of intimacy, cannot forget to stress that.

Well, I took your advice George, and I bit the bullet. Instead of telling her I liked her, one night during sex, I said to her "Do you like me yet?" and in a sarcastic tone, she said of course I like you, you moron. So I told her (and please excuse my words, but these are exactly what I said to her) I said "Well, just cut the bullshit, and be my girl." She immediately agreed. I kissed her, and we continued. I was so happy. I was finally where I wanted to be, I was finally happy...

but... as circumstance, experience, and maybe even a bit of bad luck would have... next day we were talking about it, and she said she would like to start something with me, but that she might not have the time when she starts class again, and she will also be living a few hundred miles away from me (Not incredibly far, but far enough I suppose.) She said she wouldn't be able to see me every weekend, nor would I be able to see her every weekend. I told her, though I don't know if she heard or even listened to me, but I told her, its fine, lets just take it one step at a time. I just can't help to think its some kind of excuse. Though I wanted to press her more, which I ended up doing, and I said to her on her last day, that I was really up for it, but again she said the same thing. I can't blame her for being so cautious... but maybe its just that I am very adventurous and incredibly arrogant and maybe even a bit stubborn. I've always been the 'leap before you look' kinda person. I do things as impulse rather than planning, whereas she likes to plan and ride the wave. I like to make the waves. Another thing that really confused and kinda hurt me a bit was at the airport, she grabbed her bag, and we said our goodbyes and she turned and left, without a kiss, so I called to her and said wait, and I kissed her, though it was passionate, I was hoping it would have been a mutual kiss, rather than me kissing her, that's how it felt... but I don't know... I over analyze everything.

I know she has feelings for me, I have my feelings for her as well... but am just ready to throw in the towel and be miserable now. I told her once that I do not sleep with my friends, I did that once, and it was a mistake. She knows I hate liars and people that take their words back, but she's doing that to me... only reason she gets away with it for now is because am just hoping that she'll finally call me her boyfriend. I know so much about her, the good, the bad and the ugly... but am just... am scared, and I don't understand it.

I am ready to give her, her space. If she wants me, she knows where to find me... but I refuse to wait another five years for her. I wont. I can't... and I will never again.

Am afraid that she'll replace me as quickly as she came into my life. I have two options for now... I can sit here and wait as long as I can for her to decide... or I can run away one last time. Maybe I was too intimate with her, maybe I said something I shouldn't have said, maybe I gave her the impression that I was just too clingy or something, I don't know. She never complained or said anything once other than good things.

Its all or nothing for me. Go for gold, or go down fighting. What do you think?

PS: Thank you George, for everything.

Our Suggestion:
I think that things went wrong when you asked her to be your girlfriend.

You chose the wrong time and the wrong language. The proposal you made put her in a forced situation where saying "no" could have ruined the experience or the weekend.

My advice is to apologize to her for putting her in that situation and agree with her that the distance is a problem. This will help her understand that you are a reasonable person with her interests in your heart.

Suggest a regular schedule of visitation with you doing the bulk of the transportation. Every two weeks seems about right to me. This along with phone or internet contact every day. If she is hesitant, ask her to try it out and hope she says yes.

If she says no, you are ready to call it quits (don't tell her this in advance).

Good luck! George

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