FIANCE LEFT AND IM GETTING NO WHERE

Suggest Advice

Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
BASICALLY IM A 26 YR OLD MALE SHE IS 23. BEEN ENGAGED 3 TIMES AND ON THIS LAST GIRL SHE IS EVERYTHING IVE EVER LOOKED FOR. IM KINDA A PUSHOVER CAUSE I GIVE EVERYONE WHAT THEY WANT JUST THOUGHT I WOULD PUT THAT IN THEIR. MY BASIC SITUATION IS ME AND HER HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 2 YEARS AND SPENT EVERY MOMENT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY LOVED BEING AROUND EACHOTHER THAT MUCH. OUR RELATION SHIP HAS ALWAYS BEEN GREAT AND FAIRY TALE LIKE BUT 6 MONTHS AGO SHE MOVED OUT OF STATE TO HELP HER BROTHER START A BUSINESS. WE LIVED ABOUT 800 MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER BUT STILL KEPT THE RELATIONSHIP GOING WITH VISITS AND PHONES. SHE CALLED AND SAID SHE WAS MOVING BACK 4 WEEKS AGO AND I WAS SO HAPPY. 2 DAYS LATER SHE CALLED AND CHANGED HER MIND SO I DECIDED TO MOVE THERE. WITHIN 24 HOURS OF I LOVE YOUS AND MISS YOUS SHE CALLED AND BROKE UP WITH ME SO HARSHLY ON A VOICE MAIL. I TRIED TALKING TO HER AND SHE WOULD TIL SHE STARTED CRYING THEN WOULD HANG UP. I JUMPED ON A PLANE 2 DAYS LATER AND WENT TO TALK TO HER. WHILE I WAS THERE I ASKED HER ABOUT ALL THE HARSH COMMENTS SHE WAS MAKING AND SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO MAKE ME HATE HER SO IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR HER. SHE TOLD ME THAT HER PARENTS AFTER BEING TOGETHER 30 YEARS ARE GETTING DIVORCED. SHE ALSO SAID SH LIKES TO PARTY AND WANTS TO GO OUT AND FEEL FREE TO DO AS SHE WANTS, EVEN THOUGH I NEVER PUT RESTRICTIONS ON HER AND ALLOWED HER TO DO AS SHE WANTED.. BUT AT THE SAME TIME SAYS SHE IS MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HER LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE TREATED HER BETTER AND SHOWN HER MORE THAN ANYONE IN HER LIFE. SAID I AM THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER. I TRULY LOVE THIS GIRL AND BEFORE I LEFT SHE KISSED ME HELD ME TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME AND JUST ASKED FOR A LIL BIT OF SPACE. EVERYTHING IN ME WANTS TO PERSUE HER BECAUSE IF I DONT IM AFRAID SHE IS GOING TO FORGET ABOUT ME AND MOVE ON. ALSO I BELIEVE SOMEONE IS INFLUENCING HER DECISIONS AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE HELP ME.... I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE WITH HER BECAUSE OUR LIFE TOGETHER YOU CANT EVEN FIND IN THE MOVIES. SHOULD I BACK OFF AND WHAT IS YOUR OPINOIN ON THE SITUATION....DO YOU THINK I STAND A CHANCE OF GETTING HER BACK?

Our Suggestion:
My guess is that you are right about someone influencing her. Gently talk with her and see if this is true. If it's true, it will probably take her a while to discuss it with you. Or perhaps there is no one and she simply had an affair and is disgusted with herself and feels she has to break up with you. If you want to, bring that up as a possibility and tell her you still want her back.

I agree that you should pursue her but don't push her away. Assure her that you are comfortable with her partying if that would help her center herself and perhaps bring you closer together.

As part of this puzzle, you might consider why she decided to move 800 miles away? Could this have been a clue to her feelings for you? Moving to be with her may be tempting (if she would agree) but she must have had a good reason to move away from you six months ago. Think about it carefully before you move to be with her. On the other hand, I think the odds are against you of getting her back from 800 miles away.

Good luck, George

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