He Cheated with My Friend

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Visitor's Question:
Ok I have been with my husband for 5 years now and we have 6 month old son, but three years ago i started a new job and became instant friends with someone there. we hung out all the time and the three of us were all close friends. now me and my hubby have different sleep schedules so when him and her would stay up at night chatting on the computer i didn't worry about it because i trusted him and she was married so i trusted that. then my hubby became distant with me and i started questioning her about what was wrong with him how come he hasn't really talked with me ect.. she said she didn't know but she would find out and let me know.

well i still didn't know anything a month after that. all the time i was complaining to him to please talk to me and stuff and let me know what was going on with him. now i didn't come from a very affectiante family so i didn't show him much either i took it for granted that he knew that i loved him, or wise i wouldn't have married him. but what happend is him and my friend became close and had started talking about each other. when i found all this out i confronted both of them but they both swore that is all it was was talk, it never went beyond that. well even that was enough for me to end my friendship with her but i loved my husband and wanted to trust him so we stayed together but every once in awhile i would bring up the past and ask him are you sure you told me everything, because i had this gut feeling that it went beyond that, maybe she gave him oral but that is as far as i thought it had went.

then about 2 months ago i was going thru some depression after having the baby and i called her and asked her to tell me everything of course she still denied it but last week hubby said that he couldn't take the guilt and more and told me they did do it one time. but when they were doing it he had to stop because he knew he loved me and it was wrong. but now i head is spinning on what should i do, should i make this work AGAIN, i can't believe he lied to me for 2 years about this, or that he even let it happen to begin with. i don't know if i should trust him or what, please help me decide if he means that he is sorry and that he loves me or am i crazy for trying to work it out, i love him so much i don't know what to do

Our Suggestion:
It really isn't right that he cheated or that he lied to you about it for so long. These are going to be serious trust issues for you to overcome. That being said, a lot of people do survive cheating in a relationship and go on to have a really long lasting strong marriage. It does happen quite a bit. He made a mistake. He was young and got himself into a stupid situation where he allowed himself to be emotionally intimate with another woman. That's one of those slippery slopes that lead to disaster. There's a reason that becoming that close to another woman is called disrespectful to the marriage. It is allowing yourself to be in a situation that will cause damage to your partner. He should never have let himself get that close to her. She of course should never have encouraged it.

I would talk with him at a therapist or minister's place and get this all out in the open. He was talking to her because something was wrong that he refused to talk to you about. That was the root of all of this. It's time he start being completely open with you - after all you're his wife. You need to know what's wrong and to be able to rely on him to tell you that going forward.

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