Dealing with the pain..... without leaving.

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Ok here is the thing.... I have this friend that a while ago went through a bad breakup. It seriously tore her up and during the aftermath we became closer than we were before and we were really close to begin with. As time went by I started to develop feelings for her. Knowing both her and I as well as I do I decided to talk to her about it. We both agreed that it would be a bad idea to do anything especially so soon after her break up of her 2.5 year relationship. We went through more stuff later on that brought us even closer. She's the only one I've ever told a lot of stuff. All that was in November and December of '08 and I was ,at that point, thinking I was over all those feelings and just happy to be her friend.... I was both right and wrong.

I was happy to be her friend. More than happy. But I wasn't over her at all infact, for lack of a better term, I was in love. I couldn't stop thinking about her and it hurt me everytime she even so much as mentioned going on date with another guy. For a long time I hid this from her because I knew she didn't feel for me and I knew all it would do is cause some sort of trouble. In the last week or two my past feelings have been a topic of heavy discussion. Neither of us were able to determine how or why the topic came up so often but it came up 4 days in a row during the night and the convos lasted hours. The first time we were talking about it I told her about my current feelings because I can't bring myself to lie to her. Anyways.... the results were what I expected. She still didn't feel for me. The next day she told me why it would never happen and its cause she does and always has seen me as a brother. Coming from her means a lot and it really meant something to me. As odd as it may sound though it doesn't hurt unless we talk about it not happening. Or on occasions like this when I can't help but think about it. 90% of the time I'm fine being just friends with her. Its just that 10% that really gets to me I mean really truly gets to me. I don't really know how to explain the pain.... i guess it just feels like part of me is dying.

We are both 20 years old and I was hoping that I'd be able to find help here on how to get past my feelings without ending/hurting the friendship.

Our Suggestion:
Continuing being best friends with her. She knows how you feel which is a good thing. But she has doubts about going farther. Let the matter lie and hope for the best. A good way to get past your feelings is to start dating other women.

Good luck! George

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