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Visitor's Question:
Well i feel as though im to blame for my ex-wifes decision to seperate. When we were together i admit i didnt do much. I played video games, had a crap job, wasnt really looking into the future(college). Well we had come to a point where she had to join the military(she wanted to join since she was 14, there was no stopping her). Well when she got out of boot camp she told me that she wasnt sure she loved me. Ofcourse my natural reaction was to act incredibly stupid and I did everything underneath the sun to screw it up. This is in June of 2008 by the way. We had kept in contact because im taking care of our now 2 year old son by myself. Since then we have only really talked to eachother every other month. I know that for the year and half we have been seperated she has stayed single, she admitted of potentials but never hooked up with them. We just got divorced and she will be deploying to Iraq after this upcoming week. Can you believe the Judge is forcing us to be on better than civil terms, ofcourse for our son. We are to email eachother at the beginning of every month. I believe that any relationship is salvageable, and i see an opening right there. I understand that you will not get to this in some time and so i have already decided to send a card with my feelings towards and past memories but im not asking for her back. I just want to know if there is some sort of way that I can get into her head and have me on her mind while she is in Iraq? Anything will be helpful.

Our Suggestion:
You have a hard task to perform if you want her back. She has almost certainly written you off by now.

Just by chance, I am responding the same day you wrote so this is fresh advice.

It might be better to wait before you write the card with memories until she is settled down in Iraq and has some time to think about what you say. Right now she is too busy getting ready to go.

Start off emailing once a month like the judge said. Keep her up-to-date on what your boy is doing. Describe the positive things that you are doing to be a good father, a good role model, and a good teacher. Attach pictures of him to the email.

Once in a while send a package with drawings, etc. that he makes for her... you will have to help him do it of course. In the package, you can include or write something about the feelings and memories you mentioned above.

Make sure he sees her relatives if that is possible.

Get a better job and take college classes (you can do this through the internet, just google "online college"). Once you have actually accomplished something tell her... don't just say you are going to try to do it.

Keep in mind that she will think you are using the boy to get into her mind and she might resent that. So mention the judge once in a while so she realizes that you are "just following orders."

Now that is all the good advice. What you don't want to hear follows. You should put her into the past and start looking for a new wife. Your boy needs a mother and you need a regular family life. Please consider it. Your ex is a real long shot.

Good luck! George

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