I Cheated - Then She Cheated

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Visitor's Question:
my wife and i have been married for 10 years and i went and cheated. my believed to be close freind would be going to her and telling her what we did when we were out and of course he wouldnt say nothing about himself except that he couldnt believe what i was doing &how i could hurt her like that and stuff. well she ended up being with him and at that time i didnt know i decided to get some help and went to rehab and during that time calling my wife and hoping she would understand that i was sorry to no end that i see how much she means to me and and that i love her more than i even knew well that went on for four sleepless nights of seeing how bad i really had hurt her she would just tell me she hated me and to tell her the truth well i was but she was even hearing more stuff that didnt happen and was not believing anything i would say

well getting back home and after two weeks of staying at my moms and not with her at our home she had told me she has been having a affair with my friend but wanted to come back to me just that she felt she had to tell me first she said she didnt tell me right when i got back because she thought i would tell her i hated her and to leave well not by along shot but she said that thats what he would tell her because he went through it with his ex wife

well what i wonder about is would she ever cheat again and does she really love me or did she come back for sex, and for our kids or that i told her to put the house up for sale if she wasnt going to give it a chance because i could see that i had to move on with my life? well if you could help that would be great and either way i thank you for letting me explain once again thank-you,

Our Suggestion:
If we look at this situation, you cheated for no reason at all. She cheated because she felt hurt, betrayed and like you had already broken the vows so it didn't matter any more. If anyone has to worry about the future it is her, because if you've done this once, how can she possibly know that you won't do it again? She is going to have a far harder time trusting you than you will ever have trusting her.

Only she knows why she really came back. I really suggest finding a therapist or minister or someone to talk to and having long talks with that person, with you both in the room, to figure out what was going wrong in the first place to cause you to cheat. Unless you fix the real problems, then they won't get better miraculously when you guys try to make this work again.

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