sudden change in feelings

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Visitor's Question:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. Neiter of us have ever had a real relationship before which is partially the issue. We started dating my senior year of highschool and his freshmen year of college. Intially, he was the jealous one. i ended up ditching all of my highschool friends (boys and girls) and made my entire life about him. I went away that fall to college while he stayed home and went to a community college. I came home every weekend and made sure not to talk to any other guys or go out so that I could stay in every night to talk to him to make sure that he was okay. I always felt guilty about going away to school so i decided to come back home. Now that I am home, he is no longer jealous or paranoid and I believe its because Im with him all the time and he knows where I am. It then became my turn to be the jealous one. He has one girl friend in particular that has always made me uncomfortable and he knew it since the beginning and always tried to make sure i feel comfortable. But recently, he wants to go out with his friends, including her, without me and expects me to be okay with it. we both plan on going away to the same school where she happens to go now. He told me that he expects me not to get upset about him going to her dorm and hanging out wit her all the time. He made me believe that I was being ridiculous and I believed him, but now I know differently. If he cared enough about me he wouldnt put our relationship on the line for this girl. I dont know what to do because i am always upset but when we're happy its the best thing ever. What do I do?

Our Suggestion:
You have made a very good point.

You changed your life around in many ways to make him happy and it worked. But now he wants to do exactly those things that he made you give up. That isn't fair. You need to have a long talk with him and explain that you expect to have an equal relationship where you both make each other happy.

It is possible you will marry him and unless you start to work on him now, it is unlikely he will change as he gets older. You have to decide whether you are willing to put up with the bad things in order to get the good things. Perhaps you are but it seems you have doubts.

It really is not a question of whether you are right... of course you are. It is a question of what you can get him to change... or if he won't change, what you will put up with.

Good luck! George

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