I Like Her - She Has a Boyfriend

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Visitor's Question:
Hi there, I am in an extremely difficult situation. It is very similar to some of the Friend to Boyfriend letters you have recieved, but my situation is quite different.

I met this girl about 9 months ago in one of my classes at school, at first i never really talked to her (im really shy and self-conscious) but once i did, I first hung out with her at a club and we seemed to kick it off great, ever since then i have fallin for her. I brought her to my fraternities formal last semester and have tried to show alot of interest in her.

See the big problem is is that she has a boyfriend. But see he is in the army and was sent off in May not to return for 9 months. That was my chance but acouple weeks later i found that she was moving back home for the summer time, so i lost my chance to make any kind of move toward a relationship. Now, she has come back again for the school year so i figured i'd have a second chance, only to recently find out that instead of her boyfriend coming back in 9 moths its now ganna be september 20-25 he will be back. I have talked to all of my friends and they all say to tell her how i feel before he comes back. Its just so hard for me, we are close friends, take classes together and hang out all the time. Like i said im EXTREMELY shy, and lack the confidence around her to tell her how i feel. My time is running short before her BF comes back and i cant stop thinking about her.

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Our Suggestion:
She has a boyfriend that she's been loyal to all this time. If she thinks of you as a plotter and liar who had been trying to destroy her relationship this entire time she's not going to be very pleased at all. Plus, imagine if she was a girl that could be easily stolen away by a local guy. Then imagine that you started dating her. How could you trust her in talking to any guy? Every other guy she talked to could steal her away from you if they wanted to. She'd already have proven that her loyalty was very fickle.

I would let HER make that decision. She has to decide for herself to break up with this other guy. You've already been extremely obvious here, taking her to dances etc. You have made it her decision and she's so far chosen to stay with her boyfriend. If you PUSH her into breaking up, then it's going to end badly no matter what. Either she'll feel really uncomfortable and not want to talk with you any more - or she might give in and always think of you as the one who broke her up from her true love every time you guys have fights or such.

You really need to ask why you started chasing a 'taken woman' in the first place. Would you try to seduce a married woman and get her to divorce? With all the millions of single girls out there, you chose to go after one who was already in love. You set yourself up for this - it's hard to complain about it now. I really wouldn't suggest waiting around hoping she abandons the guy she cares for. I would suggest staying her friend if you wanted, but wake up to the many single girls that do NOT have loving boyfriends to date.

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