Past Courtship - Now Getting Too Routine

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Visitor's Question:
I'm growing restless in my first and only relationship of 2 years. I started out loving this girl with all of my heart and i feel like i've lost some of that. I still can't stand the though of hurting her and still want to make her happy but sometimes i'm not happy now.

I've become more and more curious about what other relationships could be like, i don't think about another relationship with anyone in particular, i just want to know if it could be better. I don't want to lose her but i feel like i need to date around and learn what fits best for me before i can truly decide to stay with one person forever.

I know it's impossible to have both so i guess i'm wondering if this stage of restlessness and curiosity will pass or if it would really be worth seeing if another type of person would fit better with me. I feel like a bad person for even thinking about this since she has always been amazing to me, i just feel like we've found more differences than we used to have, not insurmountable ones, just ones that might not exist with someone else.

I can't really explain how deeply i care for her but maybe it's come down to only caring that she's happy, not that we're truly in love, and i don't want to just sit where i am and settle (that's doesn't sound like the right word but i can't think of a better one) for her sake.

So is the exploring worth what i could lose? i don't know.

Our Suggestion:
One of the challenges of any relationship is that it mellow over time. The courtship period is exciting and wonderful as two people get to know each other. And then it settles down into a routine. This is where most relationships and marriages end. The "fun part" is past - and the couple begins to wonder if something else out there would be better. Maybe something else would supply that courtship fun again.

The best relationships last through that middle "doldrums" period and settle into long term contentment. The couple realizes that they have a lot of shared memories, shared interests, and yes life isn't perfect. They are always going to have some different interests and that's OK. That's what you have other friends for.

If you're going to be hunting for something "better" there is *always* something better out there. There is always a girl that is younger or prettier or sexier or richer or a better horseback rider or whatever criteria you want to use. If you keep jumping from girl to girl looking for a 'better' one it's not a way to find a relationship that lasts the test of time.

What lasts is finding someone you connect with, and then sticking with them through thick and thin.

If you were *unhappy* it would be one thing - but it sounds like you're just coming down off the courtship high. I'd say to ride it out.

--Your Friendly Advisors at

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